A New Place For Adventure, Perchance?

I moved into Monticello, my new residence for spring term! I will also be coming back to the same place for fall/winter next year. So far I have three roommates.

The one with whom I am sharing a room is Jackie -- dearest Jackie Corbitt! Except I have a minor fear that one of us might kill the other. Jackie and I are very similar. Except for a few things which often results in sparks flying. Dear Jackie is very... how shall I say... empirical? Well, of course. She's a physics major, and incredibly smart. She has a very linear mind -- very rational. Thus, she has systems.

I've got systems! But... hey, our systems happen to not coincide. And both of us are very resistant to changing these time-tested systems.

For example, take the instance of the peanut butter knife.

Jackie sure does love her peanut butter. She eats it... and almost nothing else. She'll take her knife, get a huge hunk of the stuff, and then she'll put it on a cracker and leave it. But Jackie has this irrational discomfort of eating in front of people. She doesn't do it. She binges in secret. Not really binging, though. She snacks and nibbles... grazes! She'll eat a bite or two. Leave. Come back two minutes, later, and do it again. By the time a few hours have passed, she'll have eaten tons, but none of it will be good for her.

I don't have a particularly huge beef with this. What I do have a beef with is the knife. It'll be covered in peanut butter. And she'll leave it. On my counter. Eew! And she gets upset if we clean it up, because in her mind, it only makes sense to leave it, because inevitably she'll come back and use it again. And thus cleaning it is a futile act, a waste of energy. What she doesn't see is the obvious mess, the blemish on my kitchen. It is quite frankly impossible to keep a kitchen clean when you live with Jackie. I've decided I can handle that, as long as I think of it in similitude of the impossibility of keeping a kitchen clean with children. (Except I do hope my children learn to keep tidy by the time they move out...)

Unfortunately, Jackie doesn't trust my judgment in the slightest, either. She won't listen to me or any advice I may give her. For instance... there is this one guy, Neil, whom I severely dislike and distrust. I tell Jackie exactly what I think about him. But... she keeps going on dates and doing things with him. What she says is that I don't understand, because he's a different person when he's only around her, and when there's a group of people around. I'm not saying I don't believe her. But... I don't. I don't. Jackie doesn't understand people. Well, at one point she told me that she keeps feeling that she needs to stop hanging out with him. I emphatically agree. And then she'll decide, once and for all... no more Neil.

But then! Neil will text, or call, or show up at our door... "Hey Jackie, let's go do something!" And Jackie responds with an enthusiastic, "Yes!" And off she goes. And then she'll disappear for hours and hours, and no one will know where she is. And then she'll come back late at night. Finally, Jackie told Neil she wouldn't date him any more. At all. Maybe Neil is really a good guy, but from what I can tell, he's pulling her strings... "Oh, Jackie, we don't have to date... I respect you... but in the time I've known you, I've become such a better person, and I really just like spending time with you..." etc. I really have no right to have decided this guy is not a good person. I really don't. There is no such empirical evidence to say such a thing. So... Jackie doesn't trust me. Maybe she shouldn't. Maybe I'm just a nutcase.

Maybe I am a nutcase. Last night, Jackie went away around 9 and then didn't come until after 2am... I kept wondering where she was... and finally, Rachelle said, "Oh. Jackie told me not to tell you, but she's with Neil." My heart dropped all the way down to my feet. Now he knows where we live again. And now...

I think the whole point of saying all that was to establish... that now Jackie and I have a big wall between us. I don't confide anything in Jackie. Every time I do, she gives me... a rather condescending look. A sweet, I-care-about-you look, but condescending nonetheless. And what frustrates me is that I'll say something, and she'll completely misinterpret it, and get extremely insulted. And she won't tell me. And so, I can tell she's offended, but she won't tell me what's wrong. Gaah. And she won't confide in me.

This is not a rant about Jackie. I love her dearly. If I wanted to rant, this would be pages and pages and pages long. But I feel I need to establish what the relationship between us is. All I'm saying is that there's a very tall wall between us, that we dance around and pretend is not there. But it is.

That is one roommate. Dearest Jackie Corbitt.

My other roommate, Rachelle Jackson, was in my ward for the last two semesters. She lived in 128, which I believe should have been collectively translated or something. I'm sure the only reason they're all still on Earth is so that the rest of us mere mortals can learn from their examples.

Rachelle and I get along much easier. We are both a tad OCD about cleanth. We are both competent cooks, and we almost immediately discovered that we functioned together nicely while cooking. We like to flip through cookbooks and theorize about cooking some of the goodness we see therein. And we could and would have if we had the ingredients. And when we are cooking together... it is like well-oiled machinery. Immediately when we get to a part in the cooking where only one of us can do the job, one of us unhesitatingly moves to put away used ingredients and clean up messes and dishes we've left behind. And the whole time we'll be talking and talking and talking. I do believe I am quite comfortable with her.

I know Rachelle, but nearly well enough, because I haven't lived with her that long. But... I do believe that I could confide in her. As long as I don't mind the information spreading to a few other people. Which I think is okay with things that I want to tell to everyone, but am comfortable in doing so. Things that I actually need as secrets that no one else will hear though... I still don't know who I'll confide in then. I suppose I could call or email Hillary. But if the situation got bad enough I couldn't ever tell something important over the phone or through an email. Gaah. Oh well. But I can tell Rachelle things, I think. And she tells me things.

I haven't lived with her long enough to be able to give you paragraphs and paragraphs about her. Just that I like her and that she will make the next two months a lot easier for me.

The last roommate I know about is Ingrid. I have had about five minutes interaction with her. But... this is what I know.

She's absolutely gorgeous, like an angel. She has perfect poise, perfect hair, perfect face, perfect style. And her eyes are beautiful. I remember eyes about people... they can tell you a lot about people. You can look in someone's eyes and see how they're feeling. And sometimes, if you're really lucky, you can see what they're thinking. Ingrid was a little aloof and distanced when I met her, but I think she was just a little nervous because she didn't know any of us. Mostly though, she's confident in herself and she has a very friendly demeanor. She kind of glows with happiness and peace, and I get the impression that she has a deep testimony, so I think that maybe she has the potential to become a confidant of mine. I also think that as long as she has her personal space she'll be able to keep her happy, sweet demeanor for the most part. She also has a wonderful laugh.

She's from Park City, so she just drops by about once a day with stuff, and then goes back home. Some time today she'll drop by... permanently.

We may have one more roomie, but we may not. It may just be the four of us.

I've decided that I really like my apartment.

When we moved in at first, my initial project was to set the kitchen in order... of course. I couldn't have any one organizing my domain. The kitchen is Jenna's territory. And oh. I am so pleased with the cupboard space. Cupboards. Everywhere. Which definitely makes it easier to have designated places for things. So Rissa (Rachelle's sister) and I set off to put things away. Except I found nasty surprises in nearly every cupboard. The last tenants obviously didn't know how to clean or organize, or throw away trash. I found cupboard after cupboard full of crud and grime and things that obviously should have made it to the trash. I found a plethora of gross, grimy dishes that I didn't even want to touch. It was even more disgusting than any disgusting pile of dishes I had ever found in 116's excuse of a kitchen. I threw most of them away, only keeping the ones I found left in the dishwasher, which appeared sanitary for the most part. I didn't trust my cleaning skills enough to clean that crud off of the rest of those things. There was the most disgusting dish rack I had ever encountered. There was a pool of stagnant water in the bottom of it, which smelled horrid and seemed to have turned pale yellow with months of bacterial growth or something.

Well, to say the least... I was rather upset. I had no outlet to vent my frustration except to clean and organize, which I was doing frantically. At some point in this process... the doorbell rang. ("We have a doorbell? No way!") I eventually found the landlord outside my kitchen door. He greeted me, explained who he was, and then explained what he was here for. "My wife said that the last tenant left this place filthy. So... if you like we can hire someone to come clean it up for you." Nuh-uh. This is Jenna's kitchen now.

"No. I'll clean it. I've already started anyway."

The landlord looked pensive. Then, "Well, just keep track of how much time you spend cleaning it, so that we can pay you for cleaning it up." With that, he left. And miraculously, my mood changed from just-barely-bridled anger to contentment. I didn't at all mind the idea of being paid to clean up someone else's filthy mess. So I went back to cleaning my kitchen happily. I got all our dishes put away into our cupboards... we now have a medicine cabinet above the oven, and a cookbook and recipe cabinet next to that. We have a spice cupboard, a plate cupboard. A cup cupboard. A bowl cupboard. A shelf devoted to Pyrex items. A shelf devoted to tupperware. A shelf just for mixing bowls. A shelf for Tupperware. A shelf for flower vases (we're girls... we get flowers... the flowers die, and we are left with an assortment of flower vases... I definitely the next guy to bring one of us flowers should forgo the vase and just bring us flowers...). A drawer for utensils and cutlery. A drawer for serving spoons. A drawer for all other utensils. A drawer for rags. A drawer for hot pads and oven mitts. A drawer for rolls of kitcheny things like Saran wrap, aluminum foil, and wax paper. And four humongous cupboards that could be turned into a pantry fit for a queen.

Oh, I could have danced right then. And I did. Only to look down and notice the horrid state my new kitchen floor was in. So... after I swept, I found the oldest mop I'd ever seen and set off to clean that. And then I discovered that my kitchen sink had one of those hose things that you can pull out and spray water anywhere with. I was rather pleased. ("Ooh! I can even rinse off behind the tap when I clean the sink now!") I used that to fill one of our trash cans and I used that as a mop bucket. I mopped happily. Then I cleared the table, cleaned it. Then I scrubbed the counters, since I didn't have any faith that they were actually clean. I scrubbed the happy little windowsill.

And then I looked around at my kitchen. It... was homey now. It was welcoming. It was old-style too. In fact, I might have been glowing right then. My new kitchen definitely had a touch of, "Ooh, look a bunch of girls live here!" That, of course, was okay, since we are all girls. It would even have been all right if it was a manly sort of place. It's okay for a girl to live somewhere that seems masculine. However, it is not okay for a guy to live somewhere girly. Oh, it is good to be a girl.Well, after that I moved on to my new living room. I... have not had a living room for a while. It made me happy. Well, the furniture was all in disarray. And there were boxes and boxes and boxes of Jackie's, Rachelle's, and my stuff all over the place. I sighed. And got to work. I got the feeling that my kitchen-OCD-ness will carry on into the living room.

Then I called Hillary and wished her happy birthday and such. I was quite proud of myself to working up the courage to call someone besides my family. Initiating phone conversations scares me like none other. I know, an irrational fear. But it's so much harder to tell what the other person is saying, and it's even harder to tell what is going on in their heads.

Then our doorbell rang again. Jackie and I answered it to find two men out there. They kind of looked at each other nervously, then proceeded to introduce themselves and ask if we wanted to go see a movie with their big group of people. I considered... I told them I might. Jackie went with them. I... didn't. I don't know what it is about having my home all in disarray, but my self-confidence goes down and my comfort level plummets. I couldn't leave. My house was dirty. And Jenna doesn't do well in big groups of people anyway. Rachelle also left some time later, but with a big group of her high school friends, since one of them was about to leave on his mission.

Now I was alone with the mess. I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. At some point, Ryan called me and I talked to him for a while, finding things I could do to clean with one hand. (I suck at holding a phone with my shoulder and neck. I suspect such cursed inflexibility was a result of that blasted surgery. Gaah.) After he hung up, perhaps to call Hillary and wish her happy birthday, I continued my more efficient two-handed cleaning. Then, I went and stood where I could see the whole room. It was a mess, but I needed to know where things were going to end up.

Here I used my imagination. I painted a picture in my mind of the finished room. Hm. The long couch can stay where it is. But I will not have the television on the coffee table. Ooh, there's a desk over there. I shall leave the desk there. And and I'll put the television there. That would be better. And then I can put a printer next to it. Oh, but then you wouldn't be able to see the television from the little couch. Never mind. The little couch looks better where the coffee table currently is. And the little side table will go between the long and little couches, so that it forms a V. Then I can put the keyboard where the little couch is now.

Then I noticed where the electrical outlets were and distressed a little about that... but in the end, I decided my initial plan was better. I moved and moved things until it resembled a real living room. At this point, I was quite exhausted. I should have gone to bed right then. But I didn't. Bad idea. I started thinking about the people I missed. That got the tears going. And then I started thinking about my family, and I lost it. I was up for a few hours after that. I didn't do anything productive. I just thought and thought and thought viciously. It wasn't a good thing to be doing though, because the more I thought, the sadder I got. I finally slept around 2am.

Sunday came, and I woke up to see a beautiful view. I had commandeered the top bunk. And there was a window up there. I had left the blinds open, so I could see everything that was going on as I fell asleep. I like watching people as they go about their lives and they think no one is there to watch them. And so I just laid awake for awhile watching people walk by. I pulled my computer out from under my pillow and turned it on, as I do every morning when I wake up. I didn't have a desk, so I had made my top bunk the place for it. When I'm not sleeping it'll be my desk. When I am, the computer goes under the pillow, and I sleep.

I got up and got ready for church. I didn't feel like prettying myself up. But I did anyway with the encouragement of my roommates, who patiently reminded me that this is the first time the guys in the ward would ever see me. I didn't tell them, but I thought that maybe that meant it was a better idea not to dress up. I have a hard time when guys only talk to you because you're cute.

We marched up to church... which was in the testing center. It was rather bizarre having sacrament meetings in those cursed desks where so many people's lives and grades had been decided.

I met lots of people in a short amount of time. But a few stood out and stayed with the three of us... his name was Michael Smith. RM, like all the other guys in our ward... he'd been back from Albania for six months. He is also kinda good looking... I remember his eyes were blue and friendly and happy, but just a little uncomfortable. Well, this is my impression of Michael. He is rather eager to make friends. I think he can't stand not having anybody. And so now his life is in limbo. So he smiles an awful lot, and throws compliments out like pretzels, hoping lots of people will like him and thus become his friend. He speaks rather loudly too. But... I think he could be a good friend. He'll ask questions, but not because it's the polite thing to do. He seems genuinely interested, and he listens. And he talks fluently and easily, so it is easy to carry a conversation with him, because he'll throw out good questions that you can give real answers to. My guess is that he'll either make lots of friends quickly, or people will think he's obnoxious. I haven't figured out which case it'll be though. But that is my first impression.

Another RM, Kristen, has been back for a month. She went to China. She's quite friendly, and she also, like so many of the people I've met, sort of glows with happiness and peace. She is also quite confident in life and herself. She'll remember your name if you spell it... at least that's my guess since she always asks how you spell your name before she'll remember it. And then, as far as I've been able to tell, once someone has spelled out their name to her, she doesn't forget. I'm Jenna, J-E-N-N-A. Jenna. She knows my name. And Rachelle's, R-A-chelle. And Jackie, with an I-E. I think I could get closer to her if I wanted to. She lives right next door.

After church we all napped like crazy.

Ward prayer was at 9pm in the parking garage underneath one of the neighboring apartment complexes, the Granary. We went down there and I sang alto with Kristen, which earned another compliment from Michael... "Oh, go alto!" And then we went around and introduced ourselves. Then we sang another hymn, with one guy conducting it with his opened pocketknife. Michael says, "Oh man, you're soooo good!" I haven't quite figured out how to respond to Michael's abundance of compliments yet. So I just smiled. They went through announcements. Then we sang happy birthday to someone named Clay. Kristen and I harmonized exactly the same way. We looked at each other and smiled... but Michael didn't seem to notice that Kristen had been harmonizing too, but enthusiastically complimented my harmonizing skills. I smiled again, not sure what to make of the concentrations of compliments on me...

After ward prayer, everyone collectively went to one of the guys' houses. It was an actual house. Big. Nice. And importantly, clean. Rachelle and I found a corner and stayed there, not quite sure what we were doing here. We were going to leave... but then we were noticed. Nearly every guy came and introduced himself to us, and talked to us for about five minutes each. Not a single female soul came and talked to us. Suspicious.

One thing I absolutely hated though, was that when they would find out that Rachelle and I were both pre-med and that I was a neuroscience major... somehow we weren't human girls anymore. Superhuman or something. But not real people. It was worse when one conversation turned into how Jason hated math. And when they found out I loved math... I was even less human. Gah.

I appreciated that Michael still thought that Rachelle and I were still human beings. He even invited us to go watch a movie with him at his place, but then Rachelle doesn't watch anything except for church movies on Sunday, so we declined. Michael was sad, but we said that we wouldn't mind watch the Testaments or something churchy with him next Sunday. He liked that, and then Rachelle and I went home.

We were going to make rolls, but then Rachelle remembered that she had promised Ryan to call him today. She did that. I wandered around aimlessly as she did that, waiting to make rolls. When she was done, we set to making them and talking and talking and talking. We stayed up till about 2am doing such. We also attempted to decide which pie we'd make in May. But they all looked so good. I wanted to make the key lime pie in May and then the chocolate creme pie in June, but Rachelle begged that we do the chocolate first. So that's what we'll do. The grasshopper pie looked tempting too... But we decided on chocolate creme and that's that. Thursday is May, so we have until then to decide.

Well, sorry, that was long, but after all, I am in a new environment. There is so much to describe.

Much love and pancakes,
Jenna!

P.S.
Oh, what joy! I got the B- I was hoping for in physics! Yay! You don't even know how HAPPY I am about that. It was the hardest class BYU has to offer. Most often failed. And... I didn't fail. I got a B-. Yay! And the best thing, I think my poor ego is still all right. I've decided that I don't really need beautiful GPA... it's about learning and not the grades. I learned a lot. And that's all that matters. Okay okay. I'm still mourning the drop in my GPA. And ego is quite bruised. But no tears. I'm okay. I promise. Haha.

Life Would Be So Much Better Without Goodbyes.

The next day was Monday... I had resolved not to do anything too academic all day. I cleaned, and then... Hillary left. I bawled. And bawled. I'm not going to see Hillary for four whole months! Gaah! I had a nap. And then I woke up to a knock. Ryan was over again. We went and got the playdough again, and then we came to my place and played with it on my table again. We made fun little critters. And Ryan talked and talked and talked. I told him about what happened with his dirt after he had left last night, and thankfully he wasn't upset with me. He was rather upset with Rachelle though... "You can't tell her that I told you that she told! I'll never be allowed to participate in girl talk again!" He laughed. And then he promised.

The next day was Tuesday. The day for biology. But then I couldn't wait all the way until 7pm. Instead I studied all morning and then went to my professor's office to take it earlier. I felt pretty good about it, and then I went home. I tried to study physics. But I felt dead. The more I tried to study, the more I would remember that Ryan was leaving. His original plan was to leave tonight, but he had bartered with his grandfather for tomorrow instead. So that was another day. But still. The very thought haunted me.

I helped Rachel move out... after that I was even sadder. Eventually Ryan signed into chat, where I talked to him as I tried to force myself to study. His last final had taken him four and a half hours, and he had just finished it. He wanted to know how my biology test went. I told him. He remembered that I also had physics to take, and he inquired if I was studying. No, I wasn't. I couldn't. I mused that I might start packing. He wanted to know if he could help. I figured out that he wanted to come over but was paranoid that I'd be busy.

And so I thought about it. He was leaving tomorrow. I don't need to study just yet. I don't need to pack just yet either. And I was stressed. And what we usually did when I just about going crazy with stress... was go on a long walk and explore all over campus. And find hidden things. So...

I told him that I had decided that I didn't feel like studying, or packing, or cleaning, or anything like that, and that I had decided to go on a walk, and that he could come with me if he wanted to. He wanted to.

So... I came down my stairs to see Ryan dashing through the bushes like Tarzan. I smiled. He was trying to make me laugh, I think. And if it had been a normal day I would have... He's usually very good at it, but my thoughts right now were weighed down with finals and the incessant reminder that he'd be gone in less than twenty-four hours.

Alerted by my failure to laugh at his strange behavior, he must have realized right then I was feeling really horrible. Usually when I was having a hard time, he'd make me laugh and everything would be better. I smiled weakly at him when he finally got out of the bushes, and he gave me a huge hug. And then we started walking, without a particular destination. We weren't walking long when Cute Mike showed up. He was heading off to that biology test. We escorted him to the MARB where our biology classroom was. And then me and Ryan started exploring, like we liked to do. We looped around as we were walking and eventually wound up on the balcony of the JFSB. And we sat and talked for a while. Dallin had left earlier that day. I frowned at that, and Ryan saw. "Don't worry," he said. "You'll see him again... he's living with me when we come back to BYU, so you'll see him all the time!" I laughed.

Then I took him down from the very top of the JFSB into its very depths... into the parking garages. He was fascinated. "Oooh! Next time I play laser tag, I'll do it here!" Then I showed him a few of the secret passageways I knew about from when I used to work as a custodian there. I even showed him the preschool. Once out of the JFSB, we moved on and went down the Stairs of Death... and found a bench and sat on it for a while. Then we climbed up the Stairs of Death again, and then decided to try and get to the top floor of the SWKT. Ryan considered for a moment if it was wise, since that's where all the crazy "psych people are"... Unfortunately, the elevator ignored all our pleas for it to take us all the way up to the twelfth floor. But, it did oblige when we asked for the eleventh. Unfortunately again, once we were up there, all the offices and such were locked and we couldn't see any windows. What good was being so high up if you couldn't look out the windows? So we descended to the tenth floor. This time, success. We found a window, and looked out of it for a while ("Ah, a perfect stalking spot!" he said. I laughed). We also found the neuroscience center. Well, that was good enough. We went down to ground level and then came out.

I suddenly realized that I wanted some ice cream. I told Ryan so, and thus we set off for the creamery. We got there and stood in line for a while. Ryan got cookie dough ice cream... I got rocky road. Again, the cashier assumed Ryan was paying for me. We protested and I paid for mine. Then we headed back to my house, and played with 128's playdough again.

I remembered that I had written him a letter, so I brought that out. I hadn't expected him to open it right then and read it there, but he did. After that we played with the playdough again for a while. We got tired of that, and we fell into silence for a while. I started playing piano for a bit. Then Ryan spoke up. "Jenna, let's make plans for after my mission."

I looked over at him. He continued. "I don't really care if we do them or not, I just want to make them so that I have something to look forward to..." I nodded.

Well, the obvious ones came out... we of course have to go exploring campus some more. And there's sure to be a new building. I'll show that one to you. And we could hike the Y. We never did that.

I quipped, "We should make another pie." He smiled. "I was going to say that."

I continued, "Yeah... I've decided I want to learn how to make really good pies. And so I'll practice when you're gone. Maybe one pie a month. That's... about thirty pies, I think. And then you'll be back and we can make a truly amazing cherry pie for Cherish."

He was listening, but I could tell he was calculating pies in his head. He looked at me after a few seconds. "Thirty pies. That was a pretty good guess. It's exactly thirty pies if you count the one we made on Sunday, and the one we'll make when I get back." Then he got a little intense. "Jenna, you have to make those pies! Let's make a pie chart! Do you have a ruler?"

I did. I went and found it, and brought it out. He took a piece of paper from the printer that Alex had given Jackie (he wasn't going to use it for the next two years, so what a better idea than to give it to Jackie?) and started making the chart. I sat next to him and watched. I wasn't so much watching the chart being born as I was watching how Ryan was making it. He was ever so careful, and he was concentrating. I could tell he was concentrating because his nose was moving forward and back.

"Did you know your nose wiggles when you're concentrating?" I asked.

He glanced at me. "Uhh... it's not because I'm concentrating, I don't think." But now that I had point out his nose-wiggling, it was moving left and right instead of forward and back, because now he was thinking about it. I haven't figured out what left and right nose wiggling means, but I'm fairly certain forward and back only happens when he's concentrating on something and not at all thinking out wiggling his nose. I smiled and laughed quietly.

He finished the pie chart, a square for each of the thirty months. "Alright, for every month, you have to make a pie. Even if it's a mud pie or a pie tin full of whipped cream. Make a pie and then draw it in the square for that month." We had two minutes before Ryan had to leave. "Can you draw our cherry pie in two minutes?"

"I don't know. I think so." I pulled out my markers. Unfortunately, it took a while to find the right colors. I drew and colored the pie hurriedly, and then when eleven o clock came, Ryan hugged me and dashed out the door so that he didn't break the Honor Code. I started cleaning up the mess I had left, and discovered under the pile of markers the letter I had written him. I sighed. I emailed him that I was holding it ransom, and thus he had to come say goodbye before he left and retrieve it. Then I went to bed.

I woke up in the morning... and I was not sure what to think about. I had to take the physics final today. I had to. Today was the last day of finals. I pulled out my physics booklet of chapter summaries and tried to concentrate on it. But then I kept remembering that my best friend was leaving today, and then my eyes would tear up and make it impossible to read. I eventually gave up. I ate some food. And then I tried to pack maybe. Gaah. Can't do that either. I finally pulled out my scriptures and read for a while, not knowing what else I could do. Ryan would be cleaning and packing right about now. He was supposed to leave around 3... and then wouldn't see him for over two years.

I heard a knock at my door and went to answer it. To my surprise, it was Ryan. Already. I answered hesitantly, because my eyes were still a little wet from my cry earlier.

"...Hi... Uhh... I'm here to say goodbye..."

I sputtered, "Already?" There was a telltale crack in my voice. It was only 10:30am. This couldn't be happening already. This wasn't supposed to happen for another few hours...

"Yeah... my grandfather decided instead to come get me at one instead of three..."

All I could manage was a weak "Oh..." We just stood there for a minute. And then... "Well, Jackie is here too if you want to say goodbye to her too..." He came in, and he said goodbye to Jackie. And then Jackie left the kitchen and it was just us two again. Ryan sighed. "Are you studying for physics? You have to take that today, right?"

I nodded. Then I said, "Actually, I haven't been able to concentrate on it. So I've been doing other random things. Reading scriptures. Cleaning a little. I think I went to Creamery, even."

"Hm. You wanna come help me pack?" I nodded. And then we went to his place. I helped him carry his desktop computer back to the place where he had borrowed it from. And then we went and I found his kitchen filthy. "Guck," he said. "I'm glad I'm leaving this for the other guys to clean up." It was ridiculously hot in there, so I opened the windows so that cool air would come in. I helped him finish off him chocolate milk. And then I cleaned some of his dishes while he packed some more. He found his iClicker, which he decided he needed to return at the Bookstore.

Ryan was gracious enough to let me follow him. We talked some, but mostly we just walked. We went and returned his iClicker, and he got about $25 for it. Of course, he had to deposit that in the bank. So we walked to his bank and he deposited it. And then... well, we did our usual exploring again. We walked around the Wilk this time. Then we decided it was imperative to find the Skyroom Restaurant. We found it... on the sixth floor. It was a very nice little restaurant. We looked at the menu... too expensive for our poor college student budgets. But I did notice a little sign saying that they were still hiring. I inquired into the job. I filled out a form for a job for spring term. And then we took the stairs to the fifth floor. We didn't see much interesting, but then we explored until we found a long corridor with no doors or lights or anything. But the walls were covered in paintings. We went down that and we found a flight of stairs. We went down that until we found a window with a beautiful view. Eventually we got down to the ground floor and then we headed home.

About this time I was starting to feel guilty about not studying physics when I was destined to fail it. Ryan turned toward his house, expecting me to follow, but I said quietly, "I think I have to study physics now. I can't fail." He looked at me. "Oh... okay then. I'll take you home." We walked to my stairs and then... then it really was goodbye. Ryan hugged me and held me close, and he wouldn't let go. "I'll be back real quick. It'll only be two years." I nodded and he hugged me harder. I didn't say anything, because I would have burst into tears.

He let me go after what I am sure was longer than fifteen seconds, and then he said goodbye. I managed to say a goodbye and then I turned away and climbed my stairs. And then I burst into tears. I looked up at the sky, holding back huge sobs that were in my throat. As I unlocked my door, I looked back to see Ryan looking back also. And then I went inside. And I just cried for a long time.

I ended up not failing my physics final. I may get a decent grade in that class. I came home after that, and rather than feeling relieved at finally being done... well, now I had nothing else to think about. I now had free time, but no best friend to spend it with. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

One of Thirty.

Sunday finally came. Sunday, the day of pie. Ooh, Cherish didn't even know what was coming to her. And she didn't even know what efforts we were going to to make her this pie. I had gotten my sister to read me the recipe for cherry pie over the phone. And then me and Ryan went to a real grocery store to get the cherries for it... (We split the cherries in half. I paid for two cans, and Ryan paid for two cans. The cashier looked at us funny. Finally, he asked me, gesturing to Ryan, "Why'd you split it up? Why didn't you make him pay for all of it?" I laughed. "Because we're both making the pie, and we're both equally poor!" Hm. This happens to us a little too often. Cashiers get upset that Ryan isn't paying for me all the time when we're just doing friend stuff. Yeesh. I don't know what their problem is...)

After church, Ryan had to go do his home teaching, so I had time to go to my hall meeting before we made the pie. In the middle of our hall picture, Clifton and Alex walked by... Clifton yelled out, "Hey, Jenna! Is your door open?" I blinked. "Yes?" "Okay!" And with that, the two of them disappeared into my hall, presumably to take over my apartment. As soon as the picture was done, I dashed up to my apartment, and straight into the kitchen.

The sight made me sick. Stuff alllll over the place. I had just cleaned this place last night when Ryan was here before we went and got cherries! "WHAT are you doing?"

"Making you dinner! Out!" And with that Alex tried to push me out and shut the door on me.

Nuh-uh. NOT in Jenna's kitchen, you don't. Particularly when I had plans for this kitchen. I think I must have been trembling with a strange mixture of emotions. Shock at the upheaval my kitchen was in, gratitude that my dear guy friends would think to make us dinner, annoyance at their using MY kitchen to do it, and stress from the realization that there was now a conflict between pie-making and dinner with friends. Gaaah. I just spluttered weakly, "My... my kitchen is dirty. It can't be dirty. No..."

Oh, I was tense. Alex looked at me sternly. "Jenna. CALM down. Calm down. You... are REALLY REALLY tense. Calm down. Everything is okay!"

"My kitchen... I... I... I'm making pie? I'm making pie. Except you're using my kitchen. My kitchen. I was going to make pie..."

Oh man. I must have been ridiculously stressed before this, because now I was a nervous wreck. I shivered, and then grabbed my broom, and started sweeping. Then it occurred to me. "Hey! Do you guys have shortening?" We had had shortening yesterday, but then it had been used up in the night and now there wasn't any to make pie pastry with. Alex looked up from preparing his meal. "I do." "Can... can I use it?"

Alex considered, all the while staring at me. "Only if you promise to stop stressing and calm down." Ooh. This is going to be tough. But... I need the shortening. So... it's worth a try at least.

"Okay! I'm calm, I'm calm..." I muttered breathlessly. Well, I wasn't calm and Alex saw.

"No. I don't mean you just say you're calm. I want you to BE calm." Oh man. Alex is a toughie. I was going to have to actually calm down... for real!

I took a deep breath, and it rattled angrily. So I took another deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. I realized suddenly that my fists were clenched. I let them go. And my whole back was as stiff as a board. I forced in into a more comfortable position and held it there until Alex decided I had improved enough. Then he left to go get the shortening. And then I tensed up again and continued sweeping.

Ryan showed up to make pie. I... think I got even more stressed, because right at that time Clifton declared dinner ready. I finished sweeping.

"Dinner time!"

"Wait, right now?" I said, despairing.

"Yes. Right now."

"But. But. I was going to make pie..." After muttering that, I set off to set the table. Clifton made Ryan stay and eat with us. I busily set the table, and then Alex scolded me. "Jenna. Remember your promise."

"What? Oh... yeah, promise. Shortening. Promise." And I took another long breath. But that rattled too. WHY was I so incredibly stressed? I knew why, but I wouldn't let myself think about it. "Not stressed not stressed!" I said. Ryan looked at me with that weird amused look he had sometimes. At least someone wasn't upset with me. I looked behind me to see Clifton standing there making a twirly motion with his finger. I blinked at it. "What?" Then I realized he wanted me to turn around. "Ohhh!" I said, and I obediently turned around, not sure why he would want me to do something like that.

Well, I didn't have to wonder for long. "Come 'ere, sis." Clifton put his arms around me and hugged me. I closed my eyes, but not all the way. What I saw almost made me laugh. Poor Ryan couldn't handle it. He was very pointedly not looking at me or Clifton, and looking down, up, behind him, everywhere except right in front of him where I was being hugged.

I've told you all how Clifton is basically my little brother, and that pretty much sums up everything. He teases us all the time, is really annoying most of the time like a little brother, but every once in a while he'll do something really nice. This hug was one of them. I wonder if he got hug-lessons from one of his parents, because it was just like that... like a family member was hugging you and comforting you. So, naturally, I calmed down quickly. My heart beat slowed down finally, and so did my breathing. I relaxed. When he finally let me go, I felt like a rag doll.

I sat down at the table (next to Ryan, who still wouldn't look at me... haha) and then we said a family-plus-Ryan prayer. After that, Clifton and Alex left, and then Ryan and I set off to make pie.

Well, the dough was interesting. We just couldn't get it right. It just wouldn't hold together. And the attempts to get the pastry into the pan were failures for the first few tries. Finally, we got the bottom in the pan. Ryan prepared the filling while I tried to manage the top crust. I looked over at Ryan filling the pastry. And then I looked away, and then looked back. The pie... had overflowed. "Oh no," he said. "I think I ruined it."

I laughed. Oh, it was SUCH a mess. Some weird cherry-sugar-liquid concoction spread all over the table, and down onto the floor. Perhaps I should have supervised Ryan more closely. Oh well. Whatever he did wrong, he won't do it again. I made him go get the paper towels, and I shoveled cherry stuff into a bowl. I poured the liquid out of the bottom pie crust. And then I put the actual cherries back into the pie.

And then we set to work trying to assemble the top. We did eventually, with the help of Rachelle. Somehow, as we talked the subject turned to... dirt. Like, the information sort of dirt. Rachelle wanted to exchange such dirt with Ryan. Dirt. Like gossip. Ryan wanted to know what the girls have been talking about in their secret girl talk sessions. Rachelle, of course, wanted to know all about what the guys were saying about the girls. I also wanted that, but I hadn't any bartering dirt. Besides, Ryan tells me everything anyway.

Oh dear. Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. He's begged me multiple times to let him in on the girl dirt. And every time, I swear another oath that I never will. Not even when he's eighty. This frustrates him... majorly. He is far too curious for his own good. He'll get himself in trouble. It ended up that Ryan and Rachelle worked out until the deal was, "Okay, if you give me your dirt, I'll give you mine." At this point, I backed out. I looked at Ryan. "I haven't got any dirt. Maybe Rachelle does, but I don't. Nobody gossips with me, because I won't gossip with them."

Rachelle promised she had some juicy dirt. Ryan looked tempted. I knew what Ryan's dirt was, so I warned, "Don't do it, Ryan. She's probably pulling your leg... her dirt's not worth it!" But Ryan wanted dirt, and then happened one of those rare instances where he got frustrated with me. "Jenna!" he exclaimed in exasperation, "Will you just... step outside or something?" I laughed at him. And then Ryan couldn't take it any more. He caved. All right, Ryan, go to your doom if you like. And then, he gave Rachelle his dirt. Unfortunately, this dirt is still gossip I just don't tell people without the subject's permission, so I can't tell you what it was. I know, you're curious. But you'll just have to settle with not knowing.

Rachelle listened intently as Ryan confessed his dirt. Rachelle looked over at me, and then at Ryan. When Ryan was done, he said, "All right. Your dirt. Give it." Rachelle looked up at the ceiling. "Actually... I don't have any dirt. I didn't think you'd actually tell me your dirt..."

Ryan looked stunned. Poor man, I even tried to warn him. And then he was a little upset. "RACHHEEELLLE! You'd better give me ALL the dirt you've got!" Well, she didn't have a single granule of dirt. As we put the pie in the oven, Ryan then turned on me. Looking at me, he said, "Jenna. I KNOW you've got dirt. Give it."

"Dirt? No, I don't..."

"Yes, you do. Remember you said there were some girls talking about me at the beginning of the year?"

"Oh, yeah." I had forgotten about that.

"That's good dirt. I want that. Who was it?"

I rolled my eyes. "Ryan! I told you. I'm never ever going to tell you."

"But... but it's the end of the year! I'll never see them again! It doesn't matter, just tell me!"

"You're right. It doesn't matter. So you just don't need to know. I don't tell secrets, okay!"

Ryan was very frustrated. He rounded on Rachelle again. "You CAN'T tell your roommates."

Rachelle swore she wouldn't. When the pie was done, we carried it over to 128 with Hillary (where Rachelle, Liz, Claire, Patrice, Cherish, and Kerstin all live) and presented it to Cherish, who was delighted. It wasn't the most beautiful masterpiece of a pie, but for a first pie, it was pretty darn good, I think. We sat and talked. And I watched Liz and she practiced her signature. Finally, I said, "Liz. You have beautiful cursive E's... Show me how to do them, just in case I marry someone whose last name starts with one!"

And I think, with that, the conversation turned into girl talk. Ryan listened intently. He even took notes. And then he's ask questions, clarifying what he had heard...

"Wait, so you guys all think Brooks is cute?"

We concurred.

... "Why is he so cute? Is it how he does his hair?"

We couldn't agree on anything like that, except that Brooks was undeniably good looking.

..."Why do you guys like Roy? Is it something he does... Is it something I can do?"

Ryan stayed as long as he could, and then he had to leave so that he didn't break the honor code. As soon as he was gone, though... Rachelle piped up, "Jenna! Can I tell Ryan's dirt?"

I blinked. All eyes were on me. Oh no. I grimaced. "It's not my dirt to give..."

But it was Rachelle's dirt now. Ryan had given it to her, as dirt. When Ryan told me, it wasn't dirt, it was a conversation between friends. But Rachelle had it as dirt. So she told.

And then everyone looked at me for verification once she told. This disconcerted me. Everyone would look at me whenever they need verification about dirt concerning Ryan, because I'd know if no one else did. "Uh..." I said. But my face gave an obvious yes, it's true expression. I watched as their faces changed from skeptical about the dirt to trusting. Gaah! I have such a revealing facial expression when I'm trying to keep something secret. I exploded. "Yes. Really. Quite."

I didn't feel good about that at all. That night I went home and it took me longer than usual to sleep.

So This is Stress.

It... has been an enormously long time since I wrote and email. And I keep putting off writing about my life, because there is soooo much that has happened... and I just don't know where to begin. And every day I wait, the worse it gets. In fact, I'm not sure I remember a lot of what's happened. I haven't actually written anything since looong before the rock, paper, scissors tournament that Ryan, Hillary, and I went to. I didn't even write about that. I just sent pictures.

Well... after the tournament a couple weeks ago... here's what happened. The tournament was over by about five. At about six, Jackie and I went to a passover dinner together, which was hosted by my Isaiah professor. We got home late-ish, and went to bed. Then, on Saturday, Ryan and Rachelle and I went to the temple in the morning to do baptisms. Later that day me and Jackie went to a dance concert, which was spectacular. On Sunday, we had our last Sunday school lesson and our last Relief Society lesson. I don't remember much else about Sunday except that I did get home taught, visit taught, and I did my visiting teaching that day. And then after I was done with visiting teaching that day, I remember coming directly to ward prayer. I showed up right as Ryan was coming down the stairs. I gave him a big hug, and then other people started showing up, and they all got big hugs too. I think I also accidentally sat on Will's hand, and Jackie thought he thought it was significant. I stayed away from Will after that. Then Hillary and Rachel and I were about to leave, but then Ryan and I started talking again (surprise surprise...).

And... he had bad news. He was leaving a whole day earlier than he had told me earlier. Tuesday instead of Wednesday. Gaah! Another day lost! I must have looked devastated or something, because he hugged me again. I didn't let go, and he didn't either until he decided it was too long. ("No longer than fifteen seconds! Longer than that and it's baaad!" ... I swear he counts. I swear. Or at least watches his watch over my shoulder...) Then we decided we had to do something really exciting before going our separate ways after finals. Seemed simple enough, but then... well, life turned into academic h***. Sad day.

Well, Monday after that was okay. But then things got progressively worse. I spent all of Monday attempting to get all sorts of homework and projects done for Tuesday, which was the last day of class. But after classes on Tuesday... it wasn't over. Me and Ryan had our choir concert to go perform in. We did that, and we felt relieved that classes were finally over... but, sad day, it was going to get worse. Wednesday was classless, but not at all workless. I studied and I studied and I studied. And I wasn't going as fast as I would like. Ryan showed up, and said he was going over to my angelic neighbors at 128 to make playdough and he wanted me to come with... but I felt that I had to decline or else fail biology. And about here is when I snapped a little. In a week Ryan would be gone. And I just didn't have the time to go do any silly stuff with him. It was the most frustrating thing I'd ever felt in my life. I was mad at school.

But I got over it just barely enough to sit and read another hundred pages of biology before I dozed off. I woke up early in the morning on Thursday. Looked outside and saw sunshine. And was drawn to it. It was too cold to go out and just sit without a sweater or something, so I took my quilt, my coat, and my biology book and camped out on the grass outside my kitchen window. And read. And read. Robert, my home teacher walked by... "Are you going to the baptism?" Oh. That. There were three Nepalese boys in my ward who were getting baptized this morning. I told Robert I wasn't, giving the excuse that I didn't even know the boys, but I felt another flare of frustration again. I couldn't have gone if I wanted to. I needed to finish reading this biology book about how evolution and religion don't necessarily disagree, and then write an essay about LDS doctrine, evolution, and the views of the Catholic author of this book... all this by 4pm. It was almost 10 am, and I was half-way through that book. And it was a slow read! It was chalked full of ridiculously science-y terminology, and I understood it, but I couldn't skim it. Gaah!

I sat on the grass and read as quickly as I could... a crowd of people in my ward walked by, and I did my best to ignore them so that I could get through this book... but ignoring the crowd was a useless endeavor, especially when one of the is Ryan and calling to you to look up and pay attention to him... "Jeeeeennnnnnnnaaaahh!!!" So I looked up and waved, had a two-minute conversation, and then he ran off to join to mob of people that was quickly disappearing.

After about an hour or so, I had read almost another hundred pages of science-y gunk that I probably would have enjoyed had it not been for that looming deadline jeering at me that I wasn't reading fast enough. It was a darn good thing I had decided to study outside, because it was chilly, and if I had tried to study inside I would have been doomed to have fallen asleep instantly. People started coming back home from the baptism. Lots of the boys stopped and talked to me, and most of the girls just waved. After I had determined to ignore the rest of the passersby, it wasn't long before I noticed two nicely-shoed feet on the grass in front of me. I looked up to see Clifton, my dearest little brother. He inquired as to what I was doing... I explained, and distressed about the evil deadline I had. He sympathized, then asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

I considered carefully within the next millisecond, and replied, "Food?" My stomach was growling angrily at me. Clifton raised his eyebrows. "You want food? Okay." And he disappeared. I didn't have much time to wonder if Clifton actually was going to bring me any food, because then Ryan showed up again, and started talking to me.

"Hey, can I study with you?" he finally asked. I blinked. I wondered if it was a good idea to say yes because I would probably be quite distracted. The speed of my reading would be dramatically reduced because I would be watching him in my peripheral vision instead of staring at the page of words. "Uhh... yeah..." Hm. That wasn't quite what I was trying to say. At all. He eyed me. "Are you sure you won't be distracted?" I looked back up at him. "Nope," I said, meaning that I wasn't at all sure. The stupid thing about questions like that is that a negative answer like that can be interpreted in two ways... no, I'm not sure, or no, I won't be distracted. Well, I think Ryan wasn't sure which I meant, so... "Hm. I know. We won't talk to each other. No words." I nodded. And then he set off to get his books. Oh dear. I am in a strange situation. I have so much I need to do, but I would so much rather be spending all this time with my friend who is going to be far, far away next week.

I spent the next ten minutes trying to stiffen my concentration. I was quite obviously failing in my own mind, judging by the increased occurrence of reading the same sentence over and over again. Ryan came back out, changed out of his suit and tie, and laden with a backpack full of books. He came over. And then he said, "I think I'll go study in the law library. I'm going to meet the other Adelaide missionaries at one and I'm paranoid I'll miss it."

I nodded. "Okay." I was both relieved and saddened by this news.

He started to leave, but then came back. "Hey... do you know how to make pie?"

I looked up again. Hm... "I've made a pie before, yes..."

"Well, I want to make a cherry pie for someone."

I don't know if I've figured out how to read this boy's mind or I just know the way his brain works, but I knew instantly who he was talking about. I mean, Cherish's name sounds a lot like cherry pie. Who else could it be for? "Cherish?" I asked.

He blinked, looking a little shocked. "Yeah... I want to make a cherry pie. For Cherish. Cherreesh."

"Let's make cherry pie, then. On Sunday. After church." He nodded, and the plans were made. He left, and then Clifton came bearing a large, carefully prepared meal. I gave him the biggest, most grateful hug I could manage, and then I read some more, chomping down on that food. After about another hour, I had finished the book, and I came inside and whipped up an essay in twenty minutes. I was so tired of it, that I just sent it away without proofreading. Maybe this is bad, but I'm rather confident in my writing skills... enough that I expect that my first draft is good enough. [It was good enough, it earned me a perfect score... I can't complain, I guess...]

Then I got out some other things and started studying for my Book of Mormon final... study study study.

The next morning, I woke up early. I put on my Sunday clothes, and then Ryan, Rachelle, Liz, and I went to the temple again and did baptisms for a bit. Then... instead of coming straight home, we went and got Krispy Kreme donuts. Half were glazed, and half were the chocolate sprinkle kinds. Ooh, the blessed dozen. Rachelle received them from the drive-through window... and then passed them back to Ryan. It was Rachelle's car, so she requested that we not eat them until we got home. The box... was sooo tempting.

We kept talking about donuts. "Let's stop talking about them! I won't be able to resist them any longer!" So we stopped talking about them. But then gave me a sly look. And started opening the box. I gaped. "No!" I whispered.

He nodded. The sight of those artery-clogging goodnesses would surely break me. So, desperate to keep myself in control, I covered my eyes. "No, no! I won't look!"

Ryan started teasing me now. "Oh Jenna, just one look won't kill you!" I could tell the box was open now. But not because I could see it. It was the aroma. I was getting fatter just smelling it.

And I wasn't alone. Liz and Rachelle gasped. I kept muttering "No, no, no... I won't... I won't..." Finally, Rachelle rolled down her windows. And Liz and Rachelle stuck their heads out, gasping for air.

"Ryan, clooossseee it! Close it, quick!" "No, no, no, I won't look, I won't look, close the box, Ryan, close the box!"

I think he really enjoyed that brief moment of power he had. He closed it, after what sounded like a malicious giggle, which reminded me of my dad when he plays a nasty trick on someone. I opened my eyes. Rachelle and Liz were wafting the remains of the delicious aroma out the windows. We scolded Ryan. "Don't ever do that again!" He didn't, but I could tell he was toying with the idea.

We finally got home. But it was too early for Ryan to come into our apartments... so... donut party in the lobby! We sat and talked and ate donuts and drank milk for an hour. And then Liz and Rachelle went inside their apartment, and then me and Ryan came to mine. With that, we studied Book of Mormon for an hour together, and then we headed down to the Wilk to take the final. I got a 96% on it, and then I sat down on a cushy couch and studied Isaiah for several hours. Then I took that final. By this time, it was about five. I got dinner, and then I studied calculus for about an hour and a half. Then I went and took that final. By the time I was done, I'd been studying and testing for twelve straight hours. It... was horrendous.

To tell the truth, what was motivating me this whole time was the thought that maybe, just maybe, if I got all my finals done today and tomorrow, I'd be able to spend time with my best friend before he left and not feel guilty that I wasn't studying. So I came home, emailed Ryan, showered, and went to bed.

In the morning, I woke up and pulled out my biology almost immediately. I studied for about an hour. I was determined to take biology and then physics today. But then Cute Mike came up the stairs. Cute Mike is in my biology class. I declared my intentions to take the final today, on Saturday! But Mike gave me a bewildered look. I thought the final was scheduled for 7pm on Tuesday! I blinked. And it all came crashing in on me. Cute Mike was right. I couldn't get all my finals done before Ryan even left. Tuesday was when Ryan would be leaving. And I would be taking a final.

Blast it all. Cute Mike left. And I sat in the lobby, stunned. My plan. It failed. No! And at about this point... I lost all motivation to study. The motivation worked when I thought the plan was feasible. But now that it was foiled, I saw little purpose in studying or taking any finals today. Gaah! I finished the power point review slides, and then I stopped studying. And then I determined that I wasn't going to do any more school stuff until Tuesday anyway. That gave me Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday. Three whole days.

I still felt a little sick though. If it could have worked, my original plan would have been so much better. In fact, I think that Ryan was trying to do the same thing... I mean, no one ever takes three finals in one day. I did. And apparently (according to his email) so did Ryan. And he had been planning to take his other finals today, just like I had. Gaah. I think I sat and cried a little. After the tears stopped coming, I went home, and cleaned. And cleaned... the way I do when I'm really stressed.

And after that... I wasn't sure what to do. So... I paced. And paced. And paced. Until there was a knock at the door.

It was Ryan... I let him in. "Hey, there's a basketball game in the court outside... Wanna go to 128 and ask to watch it out their window?" Hm. 128 has a perfect view of the court. But... I didn't have any interest in the game at all. Gaah.

I wanted to spend time with Ryan, but at this point I was too stressed to feign an interest in his proposed activity tonight, which made me feel absolutely hopeless. I sighed. "Ryan... I don't really want to watch basketball right now. So, if you really want, you can go over to 128 by yourself and watch it with those girls."

He stared at me. "But I don't want to watch the game."

I gave him my most confused look. "... But it was your idea..."

"Uhh... I just thought it would be fun to show up at their door and say, 'Hey. We're here to watch the game.' And I thought Jenna would want to go do something silly like that. And I wanted to go do something silly with Jenna."

I laughed. "Yeah, I would enjoy that. But then we'd have to go in and watch the game!"

He reconsidered. "Oh. Yeah. You're right. Hm. Well, me and 128 made playdough the other night. Let's go get it and play with it." So we knocked on their door, inquired after the playdough, took it, and returned to my apartment. (Gaah... I wrote our apartment... Ryan doesn't live here... he jokes like he does, but he doesn't!) And then we played with playdough for hours and hours. And then we returned the playdough, and Ryan went home.

Rock, Paper, Scissors...

Time for some silly adventure pictures. We went and did a rock paper scissors tournament. No, we didn't win. But it was quite fun, and we beat a world record for the largest rock paper scissors tournament ever. Aren't all silly things fun?

The first picture is (from left to right!) Caleb, Ryan, and I walking from our place to the tournament.

The second picture is Ryan and I with our free drinks...

The third picture is Ryan being silly. He was complaining about how paper never wins because so many people always use scissors... :)

The fourth picture... well, there's me in the foreground. Smirking at my opponent. It scared the living daylights out of him, fo sho. Hillary is practicing in the green.

So I Did End Up Having Some Adventure

So, yeah. I've been rather stressed. But... so is everyone else within sight. So somehow, it's okay to be stressed. Normality is strange sort of comfort, isn't it?

Lately, I've actually been buckling down and doing homework a lot more diligently. I finally found a place on campus where I enjoy studying -- and it's a place I used to clean back when I was a custodian. Except when I'd clean it, it was kind of dark... whereas during the day, when all the walls are basically just windows, it lights up. And the ceilings are tall, and there are little electrical outlets in the floors for your computer as well as amazing wireless access. So, I always knew about it. I just hadn't discovered it.

So... I'll sit and study and study and study. Go to class. Come back to my spot. Study some more. Etcetera until I decide it is time to go home.

Well, I'd been a lot more diligent than I usually am this week, but somehow, I didn't get done the things that needed to be done -- as usual. On Friday, the plan was to do physics (I had already spent a few hours on this assignment earlier in the week...) until it was done, study for biology, go take the biology test, and then do the physics lab. However, around 5pm Friday evening, my brain kind of... shut down.

At this point, I am feeling absolutely exhausted, and... well, my plan needed revising. I am not going to take any test tonight, no. No, I'm not. No test. I headed home. And collapsed.

Then, after having been a vegetable for about ten minutes, I totally cleaned the kitchen. And my room. Yes, I do happen to clean like a madwoman when I'm stressed. (My dear parents, I know you don't believe me, but it is something I've developed after leaving home. Sorry to not have developed it sooner.)

After that, I couldn't sleep, so I had a hot, hot shower. Came out... did my hair... ate something... Sat around in my bedroom for a while. By the time I came out, Ryan had showed up and was making himself at home... (Not an uncommon activity. I have learned not to be surprised to walk out of my room after a nap or something and find him chillin' in the kitchen. I would venture a guess that one reason I have so many stories about him is that he shows up so much.) And... well, by this time I had fully recovered from my temporary mental shutdown. But, even though my brain was working again, it was far too late to take the biology test tonight. I'll have to take it on Saturday in between conference sessions.

Jackie, however, had not reached the conclusion that tonight was not the best time to take this biology test yet. She is in my class, and we share the ginormous textbook that should have cost us each $150, but thankfully, Hillary had taken Biology 120, the same class, last semester and hadn't returned the textbook.

There's something you must know about Jackie. She... is intense. (That's an understatement.) Everything with Jackie is extreme. She is also extremely academic, in the sense that... well... that's basically all that matters in life.

Jackie sees I've recovered from my vegetablesque state and immediately pulls me over to our kitchen table where she has been studying. My brain says, Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no... not more biology... And then Jackie set off into studying verbally with me. The only thing is... Jackie speaks at a million miles an hour. My ears only listen at a thousand miles an hour. She starts babbling about meiosis. My brain hears snippets of what she's saying, but I definitely don't hear it all, let alone understand it all. Ryan perks up, hearing something about mitosis, and joins in studying, because he knows about mitosis (He loves it when he actually knows what we're talking about. He's gotten it in his head that Jackie and I are geniuses. Little does he know...). Unfortunately, Jackie and I soon move past the basic foundational biology stuff and into the more in depth stuff. Poor Ryan, who is only in Biology 100 (because he isn't a science major), quickly realizes that we have moved beyond his scope of knowledge, and moves away... well, a whole two feet to the couch.

It was probably an intimidating scene, now that I think of it... "So mitosis is equational division in somatic cells and meiosis is reductional division in gametes okay so that's easy but what about this 2n=30 stuff how many chromosomes does a cell in prophase I have what about chromatids wait so in interphase the cell is diploid until after meiosis I it becomes haploid..."

I blink at Jackie. I look down at the diagram in the book.

"Wait, slow down. So in premeiotic interphase... a 2n=30 cell has two of each type of chromosome, and that makes it a diploid. It has 30 chromosomes and 60 chromatids, right?"

Jackie responds in an enthusiatic affirmative (at least I think so... I wasn't listening as quickly as she was speaking).

"And then it goes through meiosis I... and it splits into two haploids..."

"Yeah!"

"And then... whoa. Each haploid splits into two haploids? Wait, what?"

Jackie then realized she didn't understand either.

Cue in an onslaught of great chaos and both Jackie and I start freaking about how a diploid splits into two haploids, but then two haploids split and make four haploids. We may have been screaming in confusion, I'm not sure. Although I rather think we were. We don't like not understanding things.*

Both on overload... Jackie slows down a bit and says, "You know what? I'm not going to take this test tonight."

"I'm taking it in between sessions of conference tomorrow."

"I will join you." And with that we shut our biology book. I look over at Ryan on our couch and discover he has fallen asleep, or else was practicing the appearance of sleep rather convincingly. Then Jackie, always needing to be doing something, decided it was time to watch a movie.

I quip, "Hey! I have Mulan and Enchanted!"

Jackie blinks at me. "No, I want to check out a movie from the library."

"Oh. Okay."

Jackie leaves the kitchen and goes into her room to check which movies the library has. Upon Jackie's exit, Ryan opens his eyes. I look at him suspiciously. Aha, he was practicing the appearance of sleep. I knew it... I was right to consider that as an equally likely possibility!

He looks over innocently at me. "I actually was asleep for a few minutes!" he says groggily, with a tired air of defense.

I laugh at him, and I pull up some biology slides on my computer, and study as I half-listen to Ryan as he starts philosophizing about life. Again, and as usual. Nothing new...

Then Jackie returns. Announces a few scholarly films she wants to go get. I look blankly at her. Then I say... "Jackie... do we really have to watch something academic?"

"Yes." And with that she leaves to go fetch them.

Then Hillary comes in. Ah, Hillary.

As far as Hillary is concerned... everything is so exciting to her. Everything! Everything is so intense, but not in the way that Jackie is intense. For Jackie, life is a series of intense obsessions. For Hillary, life is a series of intense fascinations.

At this point I have become bored enough to pull up Minesweeper for the first time in ages, and Hillary and I soon become wrapped-up in sweet memories of our Minesweeper-playing days.

Ryan randomly decides to make like a jumping bean and leap up suddenly and bolt out the door. Like greased lightning. Or something. Something spiffy and mighty quick I think.

Hillary, in shock... laughs for five minutes straight. I think somewhere in her giggles I heard things like "He's going to have such funny children" and (during a particularly intense fit a laughter) "You ha-ha-have my hehehe permission to - ahha ha haaa!"** and "Oh man, I love that guy so much!"

Shortly thereafter my brain shuts down again, and I decide bedtime is bestest.

I wake up early. And study biology like mad. Then I watch conference. Then... I ran down to the testing center and took that biology test. (Considering the circumstances, I was quite pleased with my 88%.) To reward myself I got an Orange Dream Machine from Jamba Juice (Mmmmmm!) and then went home and watched the second session of conference.

After that, I set up camp in the lobby, sat on top of what we call the coffin, and did my HEPE homework. Like mad. And then, to my glee... my phone went off. A call? For me? Why, yes, for me! It was Allison. Oh my dearie goodness me. High school friends!

Well, Allison and Vicki and some of their fellow NAUites came up for conference. And were coming to visit me! Yay! I gave them directions to where I lived, and then continued to do HEPE homework until I finished the lesson. I kept anxiously looking at my phone, afraid that maybe they'd get lost and call me.

Soon after I had finished my HEPE homework... indeed, my phone did ring. But it wasn't Allison. It was Ryan, my adventure buddy. He had "two items of business." First, he said, quite diplomatically, he wanted to return the yellow bucket which I had delivered his birthday present in last week. Okay, splendid. Second, he wanted to ask me something. "Meet me at the bottom of your stairs," said he. And that ended the call.

Hmmm... all right, Ryan, but Jenna would greatly prefer to stay at home or near home in the event that Allison shows up. I slip on my shoes. Head for the door. Oh, keys. I go back and get them. Oh... well, I might as well take out the garbage since I'm going down there anyway. By the time I finally get out, Ryan has made his way up the stairs and was waiting for me.

"Hello!" said I, as I charged down the steps toward the garbage can. He followed me back down.

"Uh... here is your bucket." I accepted it, and nearly put it on head... except then he asked, "What classes do you have on Fridays?"

The bucket in my hands forgotten I went through the hard work of remembering my very complicated schedule. "Uhh... I have... uh... calculus... and... physics, and choir... and biology. And then I'm done at two!"

"Two?"

"Yes."

"Two p.m.?" I see he wanted to be very sure.

"Yes. Two p.m."

"This could work!" he exclaimed in a sudden burst of excitement. Oh my goodness, Ryan, would you just spill it?

And he did. "Have you heard about the Rock Paper Scissors tournament on Friday?"

I paused, not sure I had heard correctly. "Rock Paper Scissors tournament?"

"Yeah!"

"No... no, I hadn't..." I considered the idea of an RPS tournament. Then I grinned. "There is such a thing?"

"Yeah. There is. And there's one on Friday!"

Oh, glee! Apparently, BYU hosts the largest RPS tournament in the world, according to the Guinness world record book. And... even better, free shirts and free food (at least for those who got their dates to pay...). And the grand prize is three thousand dollars. Definitely worth the five bucks (Especially for me, since I don't have to pay... Ryan does though! Ah, isn't being a girl nice? The guys get to pay for everything!). Excited, but rather chilled, we ascended my stairs and came back into my apartment. Jackie was sitting on the couch embroidering and watching Hello, Dolly! ... So, accordingly, Ryan and I decided to use our skinny little hallway instead. Jackie shut the door on us.

And then we discussed professional strategies to Rock Paper Scissors. Ryan had done some preliminary research. How do professionals play the game? Well, you have to get into your opponent's head. Know what they're thinking. And, if you're really good, subliminally control what they're thinking. THAT is how you play Rock Paper Scissors. We looked up some advanced RPS strategies on the internet*** and super-analyzed moves with each other.

"What move should we play first?"

"Well, I always throw rock first," says I.

Ryan gave me a funny look. "But that's what amateurs always throw first."

I put on my most dignified look. "Hey! I have very much thought through my rock is the best first throw over my years of playing this game." I explained why I liked rock for a first throw. "Well. I think you may agree that it is awfully rare for ANYONE to ever throw paper first."

He nodded.

"Everyone always throws either rock or scissors."

He nodded.

"Given that option, rock is the safest first throw because you're safe if your opponent throws rock, and if they throw scissors... score one for you."

He considered it, and conceded. However, all throws subsequent to the first... are a ton more complicated. We had gotten ourselves thoroughly wrapped up in how an opponent would react to certain series of throws when my cell phone rang again. Allison!

I answered the phone gleefully. Unfortuntely, the call was not to inform me my friend were nigh approaching my door... but rather it was news informing me that they were in Sandy. Definitely not at BYU. After I hung up...

Well, it had been a sufficiently long phone call to disrupt our train of thought. Our strategizing had been lost. Oh well. So what did we do? We... arm wrestled. But not really. Ryan had launched into an out-of-the-blue story about arm wrestling, and wanted to demonstrate exactly what he meant. And because we had been discussing strategies previously, he gave me extra hints in arm wrestling, such as which way to bend your wrist to make your opponent weaker and you stronger.

Then Hillary burst out of the kitchen. "Garrr! I have so much homework!" Oh, but dear Hillary is slightly ADD. So when I greet her with an ecstatic "HIRRARRREEEE!!!"... well, she forgot about her homework. (She responded with an equally ecstatic "JEENNNNNAAA! ... and RRYYYYAAAANNN!") Somehow we got to talking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

And then... Rochelle burst in! And... trudged past. My, are we all ADD or what? This again turned the tide of the conversation.

"Did I tell you about when I was walking around outside Robison at 6am?"

I laughed. "No, but Rochelle did."

He blinked at me. "She did? Why would she tell you that?"

"I dunno."

"...What'd she say?"

Taking on my best Rochelle impersonation, I said, "One time when I got home at like six in the morning, Ryan was randomly walking around outside our building..."

Hillary yelped, "WHAT were you doing?"

Ryan grinned impishly. "Peeking in windows."

Hillary gave him the response he must have been hoping for. She squealed in horror. "Ryan! You shouldn't do that! That's a VERY BAD THING TO DO! That's... that's stalkerlike!"

Ryan laughed, again, like an imp. "Hillary, I wasn't peeking in windows!"

"THEN WHAT WERE YOU DOING?"

I was curious too. Rochelle's version of the story had him walking over to the temple. Ryan looked innocently at her and explained... he was going to the temple. Oh good, the stories match. Hillary and I, both relieved, then exhorted him to never actually peek in windows, especially at 6am. And then Hillary scolded him for being so believable when he was joking.

Hillary finally went and did homework, Ryan went home to go play board games with Dallin, and I went to the Creamery and got some food and then... sat and waited for Allison to call.

But I didn't have to wait long. As soon as I walked in the door, my phone rang.

"We're loooooossst! We're at May Hall!" ... May Hall? Where's May Hall? Helaman... It must be in Helaman. Argh, I don't know the areas and roads immediately around Helaman Halls at all. Crudmonkies. Well, I told them to find the Creamery on Ninth and park in that parking lot.

Allison found the Creamery and then I had her and her passengers get out and follow my directions until they found me. I ran into the kitchen, opened up the blinds and kept my eyes peeled on the sidewalk next to ninth east. And then... I saw people coming from behind Shipp Hall. On the other end of the line, I heard, "Is that you?!?!"

I jumped up and down and waved happily. "I think so! Is that you?!?!" And it was! The little people-dots I saw started jumping up and down and waving at me. Yes! I ran out my back door where just a few hours earlier I had greeted Ryan. Oh, but this time there were more people and more hugs and high pitched squeals and such.

And then I brought Allison, Vicki, Dani, and Karina inside my little home. I showed them Jackie... who was still watching Hello, Dolly... Hm... Jackie wouldn't enjoy me having loud conversation when she was trying to watch a movie. I showed my friends my room... but then I had to introduce them to Hillary. I ran over to her door and pounded on it. "Hillary! Come meet my friends!" Hillary poked her head and then cautiously came out to greet them. After greeting, she went back in her room to finish her homework. And we were just standing in the hallway.

All cramped-like. And... the little claustrophobe part of my being said, "AAAHHHH!!!" So, I moved everyone out to the lobby. Where we immediately encountered Karina's friend Jordan (I think!) who also went to BYU and was trying to find her. We went and commandeered our lobby couches and started talking.

It was kind of weird talking with old friends. Basically... I didn't know what to say. At least at first anyway. The conversation was a little slow-paced until ... well, I think we split into two separate, more relaxed conversations... Karina and Jordan into their own, I think, and then me, Allison, Vicki, and sometimes Dani into our own.

Ah, my poor friends at NAU. Their primary complaint was basically... not enough good, LDS, single men. Alas, poor friends! I entreated them to come to BYU where there were LDS men... abundance. I also expressed glee for having so many of them as my friends (at least I did in my head... I don't remember if I said it aloud!)...

And we talked and talked and talked until it was nearly midnight. I would share it all with you, but I've been writing for a while, and I mostly only remember snippets (Napolean Dynamite? Anti-Mormon protesters at conference? The Chandler rapist? The timing of Utah sundowns? Classes? Institute? Your face? BYU campus? Yeah, random mostly. I know.).

And then I hugged all my good friends goodbye, and then they left. And then, left with nothing to do except eat my Honey Nut Cheerio's... I ate and then went to bed.

---
*For your information, enjoyment, and personal fulfillment, the biology confusion has been resolved. The diploid splits into two haploids when homologous chromosomes separate. At that point the chromosome number is split in half, but the chromatid number per chromosome is constant. Then each haploid splits in two when sister chromatids separate. At this point the chromosome number is constant, but the chromatid number per chromosome is halved! Isn't it glorious? Don't you love biology?
**I dearly suspect that amidst all that hysteria, Hillary gave me permission to marry him. Haha. (This isn't really a big deal though. We give each other permission to marry boys who have earned our respect all the time. If the formal count is right, I have about twelve guys whom my roommates have given me permission to marry.
*** See http://www.worldrps.com/advanced.html