Contrary to popular belief, I have not dropped off the face of the earth. I'm just busy. Darned busy. This is the story of my life. I warn you -- not particulary interesting.
Monday -- typical HORRID, dreaded, Monday --
I wake up between 7:30am and 8am. I'm out the door by 8:45. Stopping by the outgoing mailbox to drop off my typical first-class mail, I get to social dance class by 9am. After that class, I usually stay an extra few minutes and practice dancing with a red-headed guy in my class named Matthew. After that, I usually stop by the Cougareat and grab something to eat as brunch... Then I head to the basement of the BYU Bookstore and send away my international mail. I study until noon, when I go to chemistry. After chemistry, I go to physics, and then my family history class. I then head off to the dance lab... this is my form of studying for this class. After that, I'm usually a tad hungry again. I'll grab a bite to eat, and then I tackle the horrible task of getting ready for Tuesday, which involves studying until about 8pm, although I get about half my missionary-friend updates on Mondays. I do break and spend twenty minutes reading all those. [I call my roommates to see what's going on for FHE, but the ward organization has been slow and we don't have FHE groups yet. So there hasn't been FHE thus far...] I get to work pretty early (my shift officially starts at 8:30, but I like to be there by 8:10 so I can leave earlier). I work until nearly midnight, and then I clock out, walk home, and pass out on the couch after checking the living room table for mail with my name on it. Hours on campus: 15.5
Tuesday -- the BANE of my existence --
I wake up same time. Dash to my New Testament class to be there at 9am. As soon as the bell rings, I dash to the RB for tap dance. After that, I pretty much have no hope of finding a seat in the JSB auditorium, and the Marriott Center is pretty far, so I dash to the library, turn on my computer, get my headphones, and watch the broadcasted devotional through the blessed thing known as the Internet. I am usually desperately trying to multitask as I listen to it. After the devotional is over, I dash over to the Cougareat for lunch, and then I have a little bit of time to finish up homework before I dash off to psychology class at 1:35. That lasts until 2:45, when I dash to my little locker in the library. I dump my stuff there, grab my lab manual and goggles, and dash to the Benson building. There I face a three hour lab... I am finally done with that at 6. By then I'm starving. It's dinnertime! After filling my belly with foodstuffs, I go back to my traditional spot in the library and try to finish Wednesday's homework in about an hour and a half. Then I go to work, and clean stuff until the cool library music comes on, at which point I go home, and -- you guessed it -- pass out on the couch after checking the living room table to mail with my name on it. Hours on campus: 15.5
Wednesday -- it's all DOWNHILL from here --
Wake up. Social dance at 9, dance, practice a little, stock up on energy via brunch. Study a teensy bit. Head to the Benson building, find a little napping nook -- NAP. Sleep until Hillary or Jackie walks by and wakes me up, and then I go to chemistry class. Then physics class. Then family history class. Eat! Study! Do my physics homework due next Monday. I consider going to the tap dance lab, after which I go to work, come home, and check the living room table for mail with my name on it. And, no I don't pass out on the couch. At this point I usually have enough energy to climb the stairs and actually sleep in my own bed. Hours on campus: 15.5
Thursday -- I like to call it the GOODNESS that is quasi-Friday --
Wake up. Get to New Testament, then tap dance. If I really sucked at tapping, then I stay in the tap room for an extra hour practicing until I don't suck so badly. Then I eat, study a tad, go to psychology class, and then to a chemistry recitation. This basically just means the TA for my chemistry class tells you how to do the homework. Ooh, and you know how I get about half of all my missionary updates on Monday? I get the other half on Thursday. It is glorious. After my chem recitation, I head directly to the family history lab in the JFSB (which I used to clean... strange...) for a family history workshop. Then I study a mite, and then, on lucky occasions, I go home. Yes, that's right... HOME! I actually get to eat dinner in my own abode. And sometimes I even have time to make goodies. Mmmm, goodies. And then, I have to go to work (with goodies in hand). However, in the middle of every Thursday shift, we have what we like to call a "training meeting." In which we... er... train. By, uh, watching an informative, action and romance-filled movie. Like, say... we just watched Atlantis. And the first week we watched a click flick. (I don't like chick flicks in the slightest, but hey, it beats shining whiteboards.) After that, I go home, check the living room table to mail with my name on it, and snuggle into my covers. Hours on campus: 8-15.5
Friday! -- GLORIOUS Friday! --
Wake up. Social dance at 9am, practice a tad, eat some brunch, study a tad, nap in the Benson building. That's often quite hard because it's the chemistry building... explosions abound! But, I've learned to sleep through all the various explosions and such. I wake up for chemistry class, after which I go to physics class, after which I head to the physics lab, where everyone thinks I'm smart. And then, provided I have finished with my schoolwork for the week, I head to my locker in the library, grab stuff I might need for the weekend, and head home. I check the mail, and on the rare occasion that I get something, I read my letters. At this point I have several options, because it is the start of a glorious thing called a weekend. One option would be a date. I have not, as of yet, had any dates. Sad, I know. Other options include passing out on the couch, starting into the enormous task that is writing letters for all my missionary friends, go to a social event, or just be a bum and do nothing. Hours on campus: 7-11
Saturday -- the one day a week I can get away with NEVER setting foot on campus --
Wake up. At some point in the morning, Rachelle and I (and usually a handful of others) go to the temple and do baptisms, unless there is the sad event that the temple in closed. After that, Rachelle and I might go on a grovery store run if necessary, and then we head to my place and make something tasty. This something tasty is usually cookies of some sort, but once a month we make a pie. It has gotten to the point that I feel handicapped if Rachelle isn't there when I'm making food. Rachelle and I think it would be a tragedy if we ever lived a great distance apart. We'll have to be next-door neighbors for the rest of our lives. After the food is done and we've enjoyed it, Rachelle usually goes home, and the rest of my Saturday is devoted to socializing and writing missionary letters and doing homework and all that jazz. Of course, I also check the mail. Mmm, mail.
Sunday -- almost a perfect day of REST --
Wake up. Churchify myself, climb up the hill to the Testing Center, go to church. Come home. At this point I hope to have that thing called homework completed for now, but if not, I do that. I write missionary letters, make and eat a tasty Sunday dinner, and all the wonderful things that Sunday is. I work from 7pm to 10:30pm, after which I come home and sleeeeeeep.
So there. I'm a very busy woman I suppose. Weekends don't last nearly long enough. Y'all are lucky you're even getting this; I have five tests next week which I should be studying for somehow. Truth. Sad, sad truth.
Love, Jenna
Showing posts with label physics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label physics. Show all posts
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Life Would Be So Much Better Without Goodbyes.
The next day was Monday... I had resolved not to do anything too academic all day. I cleaned, and then... Hillary left. I bawled. And bawled. I'm not going to see Hillary for four whole months! Gaah! I had a nap. And then I woke up to a knock. Ryan was over again. We went and got the playdough again, and then we came to my place and played with it on my table again. We made fun little critters. And Ryan talked and talked and talked. I told him about what happened with his dirt after he had left last night, and thankfully he wasn't upset with me. He was rather upset with Rachelle though... "You can't tell her that I told you that she told! I'll never be allowed to participate in girl talk again!" He laughed. And then he promised.
The next day was Tuesday. The day for biology. But then I couldn't wait all the way until 7pm. Instead I studied all morning and then went to my professor's office to take it earlier. I felt pretty good about it, and then I went home. I tried to study physics. But I felt dead. The more I tried to study, the more I would remember that Ryan was leaving. His original plan was to leave tonight, but he had bartered with his grandfather for tomorrow instead. So that was another day. But still. The very thought haunted me.
I helped Rachel move out... after that I was even sadder. Eventually Ryan signed into chat, where I talked to him as I tried to force myself to study. His last final had taken him four and a half hours, and he had just finished it. He wanted to know how my biology test went. I told him. He remembered that I also had physics to take, and he inquired if I was studying. No, I wasn't. I couldn't. I mused that I might start packing. He wanted to know if he could help. I figured out that he wanted to come over but was paranoid that I'd be busy.
And so I thought about it. He was leaving tomorrow. I don't need to study just yet. I don't need to pack just yet either. And I was stressed. And what we usually did when I just about going crazy with stress... was go on a long walk and explore all over campus. And find hidden things. So...
I told him that I had decided that I didn't feel like studying, or packing, or cleaning, or anything like that, and that I had decided to go on a walk, and that he could come with me if he wanted to. He wanted to.
So... I came down my stairs to see Ryan dashing through the bushes like Tarzan. I smiled. He was trying to make me laugh, I think. And if it had been a normal day I would have... He's usually very good at it, but my thoughts right now were weighed down with finals and the incessant reminder that he'd be gone in less than twenty-four hours.
Alerted by my failure to laugh at his strange behavior, he must have realized right then I was feeling really horrible. Usually when I was having a hard time, he'd make me laugh and everything would be better. I smiled weakly at him when he finally got out of the bushes, and he gave me a huge hug. And then we started walking, without a particular destination. We weren't walking long when Cute Mike showed up. He was heading off to that biology test. We escorted him to the MARB where our biology classroom was. And then me and Ryan started exploring, like we liked to do. We looped around as we were walking and eventually wound up on the balcony of the JFSB. And we sat and talked for a while. Dallin had left earlier that day. I frowned at that, and Ryan saw. "Don't worry," he said. "You'll see him again... he's living with me when we come back to BYU, so you'll see him all the time!" I laughed.
Then I took him down from the very top of the JFSB into its very depths... into the parking garages. He was fascinated. "Oooh! Next time I play laser tag, I'll do it here!" Then I showed him a few of the secret passageways I knew about from when I used to work as a custodian there. I even showed him the preschool. Once out of the JFSB, we moved on and went down the Stairs of Death... and found a bench and sat on it for a while. Then we climbed up the Stairs of Death again, and then decided to try and get to the top floor of the SWKT. Ryan considered for a moment if it was wise, since that's where all the crazy "psych people are"... Unfortunately, the elevator ignored all our pleas for it to take us all the way up to the twelfth floor. But, it did oblige when we asked for the eleventh. Unfortunately again, once we were up there, all the offices and such were locked and we couldn't see any windows. What good was being so high up if you couldn't look out the windows? So we descended to the tenth floor. This time, success. We found a window, and looked out of it for a while ("Ah, a perfect stalking spot!" he said. I laughed). We also found the neuroscience center. Well, that was good enough. We went down to ground level and then came out.
I suddenly realized that I wanted some ice cream. I told Ryan so, and thus we set off for the creamery. We got there and stood in line for a while. Ryan got cookie dough ice cream... I got rocky road. Again, the cashier assumed Ryan was paying for me. We protested and I paid for mine. Then we headed back to my house, and played with 128's playdough again.
I remembered that I had written him a letter, so I brought that out. I hadn't expected him to open it right then and read it there, but he did. After that we played with the playdough again for a while. We got tired of that, and we fell into silence for a while. I started playing piano for a bit. Then Ryan spoke up. "Jenna, let's make plans for after my mission."
I looked over at him. He continued. "I don't really care if we do them or not, I just want to make them so that I have something to look forward to..." I nodded.
Well, the obvious ones came out... we of course have to go exploring campus some more. And there's sure to be a new building. I'll show that one to you. And we could hike the Y. We never did that.
I quipped, "We should make another pie." He smiled. "I was going to say that."
I continued, "Yeah... I've decided I want to learn how to make really good pies. And so I'll practice when you're gone. Maybe one pie a month. That's... about thirty pies, I think. And then you'll be back and we can make a truly amazing cherry pie for Cherish."
He was listening, but I could tell he was calculating pies in his head. He looked at me after a few seconds. "Thirty pies. That was a pretty good guess. It's exactly thirty pies if you count the one we made on Sunday, and the one we'll make when I get back." Then he got a little intense. "Jenna, you have to make those pies! Let's make a pie chart! Do you have a ruler?"
I did. I went and found it, and brought it out. He took a piece of paper from the printer that Alex had given Jackie (he wasn't going to use it for the next two years, so what a better idea than to give it to Jackie?) and started making the chart. I sat next to him and watched. I wasn't so much watching the chart being born as I was watching how Ryan was making it. He was ever so careful, and he was concentrating. I could tell he was concentrating because his nose was moving forward and back.
"Did you know your nose wiggles when you're concentrating?" I asked.
He glanced at me. "Uhh... it's not because I'm concentrating, I don't think." But now that I had point out his nose-wiggling, it was moving left and right instead of forward and back, because now he was thinking about it. I haven't figured out what left and right nose wiggling means, but I'm fairly certain forward and back only happens when he's concentrating on something and not at all thinking out wiggling his nose. I smiled and laughed quietly.
He finished the pie chart, a square for each of the thirty months. "Alright, for every month, you have to make a pie. Even if it's a mud pie or a pie tin full of whipped cream. Make a pie and then draw it in the square for that month." We had two minutes before Ryan had to leave. "Can you draw our cherry pie in two minutes?"
"I don't know. I think so." I pulled out my markers. Unfortunately, it took a while to find the right colors. I drew and colored the pie hurriedly, and then when eleven o clock came, Ryan hugged me and dashed out the door so that he didn't break the Honor Code. I started cleaning up the mess I had left, and discovered under the pile of markers the letter I had written him. I sighed. I emailed him that I was holding it ransom, and thus he had to come say goodbye before he left and retrieve it. Then I went to bed.
I woke up in the morning... and I was not sure what to think about. I had to take the physics final today. I had to. Today was the last day of finals. I pulled out my physics booklet of chapter summaries and tried to concentrate on it. But then I kept remembering that my best friend was leaving today, and then my eyes would tear up and make it impossible to read. I eventually gave up. I ate some food. And then I tried to pack maybe. Gaah. Can't do that either. I finally pulled out my scriptures and read for a while, not knowing what else I could do. Ryan would be cleaning and packing right about now. He was supposed to leave around 3... and then wouldn't see him for over two years.
I heard a knock at my door and went to answer it. To my surprise, it was Ryan. Already. I answered hesitantly, because my eyes were still a little wet from my cry earlier.
"...Hi... Uhh... I'm here to say goodbye..."
I sputtered, "Already?" There was a telltale crack in my voice. It was only 10:30am. This couldn't be happening already. This wasn't supposed to happen for another few hours...
"Yeah... my grandfather decided instead to come get me at one instead of three..."
All I could manage was a weak "Oh..." We just stood there for a minute. And then... "Well, Jackie is here too if you want to say goodbye to her too..." He came in, and he said goodbye to Jackie. And then Jackie left the kitchen and it was just us two again. Ryan sighed. "Are you studying for physics? You have to take that today, right?"
I nodded. Then I said, "Actually, I haven't been able to concentrate on it. So I've been doing other random things. Reading scriptures. Cleaning a little. I think I went to Creamery, even."
"Hm. You wanna come help me pack?" I nodded. And then we went to his place. I helped him carry his desktop computer back to the place where he had borrowed it from. And then we went and I found his kitchen filthy. "Guck," he said. "I'm glad I'm leaving this for the other guys to clean up." It was ridiculously hot in there, so I opened the windows so that cool air would come in. I helped him finish off him chocolate milk. And then I cleaned some of his dishes while he packed some more. He found his iClicker, which he decided he needed to return at the Bookstore.
Ryan was gracious enough to let me follow him. We talked some, but mostly we just walked. We went and returned his iClicker, and he got about $25 for it. Of course, he had to deposit that in the bank. So we walked to his bank and he deposited it. And then... well, we did our usual exploring again. We walked around the Wilk this time. Then we decided it was imperative to find the Skyroom Restaurant. We found it... on the sixth floor. It was a very nice little restaurant. We looked at the menu... too expensive for our poor college student budgets. But I did notice a little sign saying that they were still hiring. I inquired into the job. I filled out a form for a job for spring term. And then we took the stairs to the fifth floor. We didn't see much interesting, but then we explored until we found a long corridor with no doors or lights or anything. But the walls were covered in paintings. We went down that and we found a flight of stairs. We went down that until we found a window with a beautiful view. Eventually we got down to the ground floor and then we headed home.
About this time I was starting to feel guilty about not studying physics when I was destined to fail it. Ryan turned toward his house, expecting me to follow, but I said quietly, "I think I have to study physics now. I can't fail." He looked at me. "Oh... okay then. I'll take you home." We walked to my stairs and then... then it really was goodbye. Ryan hugged me and held me close, and he wouldn't let go. "I'll be back real quick. It'll only be two years." I nodded and he hugged me harder. I didn't say anything, because I would have burst into tears.
He let me go after what I am sure was longer than fifteen seconds, and then he said goodbye. I managed to say a goodbye and then I turned away and climbed my stairs. And then I burst into tears. I looked up at the sky, holding back huge sobs that were in my throat. As I unlocked my door, I looked back to see Ryan looking back also. And then I went inside. And I just cried for a long time.
I ended up not failing my physics final. I may get a decent grade in that class. I came home after that, and rather than feeling relieved at finally being done... well, now I had nothing else to think about. I now had free time, but no best friend to spend it with. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.
The next day was Tuesday. The day for biology. But then I couldn't wait all the way until 7pm. Instead I studied all morning and then went to my professor's office to take it earlier. I felt pretty good about it, and then I went home. I tried to study physics. But I felt dead. The more I tried to study, the more I would remember that Ryan was leaving. His original plan was to leave tonight, but he had bartered with his grandfather for tomorrow instead. So that was another day. But still. The very thought haunted me.
I helped Rachel move out... after that I was even sadder. Eventually Ryan signed into chat, where I talked to him as I tried to force myself to study. His last final had taken him four and a half hours, and he had just finished it. He wanted to know how my biology test went. I told him. He remembered that I also had physics to take, and he inquired if I was studying. No, I wasn't. I couldn't. I mused that I might start packing. He wanted to know if he could help. I figured out that he wanted to come over but was paranoid that I'd be busy.
And so I thought about it. He was leaving tomorrow. I don't need to study just yet. I don't need to pack just yet either. And I was stressed. And what we usually did when I just about going crazy with stress... was go on a long walk and explore all over campus. And find hidden things. So...
I told him that I had decided that I didn't feel like studying, or packing, or cleaning, or anything like that, and that I had decided to go on a walk, and that he could come with me if he wanted to. He wanted to.
So... I came down my stairs to see Ryan dashing through the bushes like Tarzan. I smiled. He was trying to make me laugh, I think. And if it had been a normal day I would have... He's usually very good at it, but my thoughts right now were weighed down with finals and the incessant reminder that he'd be gone in less than twenty-four hours.
Alerted by my failure to laugh at his strange behavior, he must have realized right then I was feeling really horrible. Usually when I was having a hard time, he'd make me laugh and everything would be better. I smiled weakly at him when he finally got out of the bushes, and he gave me a huge hug. And then we started walking, without a particular destination. We weren't walking long when Cute Mike showed up. He was heading off to that biology test. We escorted him to the MARB where our biology classroom was. And then me and Ryan started exploring, like we liked to do. We looped around as we were walking and eventually wound up on the balcony of the JFSB. And we sat and talked for a while. Dallin had left earlier that day. I frowned at that, and Ryan saw. "Don't worry," he said. "You'll see him again... he's living with me when we come back to BYU, so you'll see him all the time!" I laughed.
Then I took him down from the very top of the JFSB into its very depths... into the parking garages. He was fascinated. "Oooh! Next time I play laser tag, I'll do it here!" Then I showed him a few of the secret passageways I knew about from when I used to work as a custodian there. I even showed him the preschool. Once out of the JFSB, we moved on and went down the Stairs of Death... and found a bench and sat on it for a while. Then we climbed up the Stairs of Death again, and then decided to try and get to the top floor of the SWKT. Ryan considered for a moment if it was wise, since that's where all the crazy "psych people are"... Unfortunately, the elevator ignored all our pleas for it to take us all the way up to the twelfth floor. But, it did oblige when we asked for the eleventh. Unfortunately again, once we were up there, all the offices and such were locked and we couldn't see any windows. What good was being so high up if you couldn't look out the windows? So we descended to the tenth floor. This time, success. We found a window, and looked out of it for a while ("Ah, a perfect stalking spot!" he said. I laughed). We also found the neuroscience center. Well, that was good enough. We went down to ground level and then came out.
I suddenly realized that I wanted some ice cream. I told Ryan so, and thus we set off for the creamery. We got there and stood in line for a while. Ryan got cookie dough ice cream... I got rocky road. Again, the cashier assumed Ryan was paying for me. We protested and I paid for mine. Then we headed back to my house, and played with 128's playdough again.
I remembered that I had written him a letter, so I brought that out. I hadn't expected him to open it right then and read it there, but he did. After that we played with the playdough again for a while. We got tired of that, and we fell into silence for a while. I started playing piano for a bit. Then Ryan spoke up. "Jenna, let's make plans for after my mission."
I looked over at him. He continued. "I don't really care if we do them or not, I just want to make them so that I have something to look forward to..." I nodded.
Well, the obvious ones came out... we of course have to go exploring campus some more. And there's sure to be a new building. I'll show that one to you. And we could hike the Y. We never did that.
I quipped, "We should make another pie." He smiled. "I was going to say that."
I continued, "Yeah... I've decided I want to learn how to make really good pies. And so I'll practice when you're gone. Maybe one pie a month. That's... about thirty pies, I think. And then you'll be back and we can make a truly amazing cherry pie for Cherish."
He was listening, but I could tell he was calculating pies in his head. He looked at me after a few seconds. "Thirty pies. That was a pretty good guess. It's exactly thirty pies if you count the one we made on Sunday, and the one we'll make when I get back." Then he got a little intense. "Jenna, you have to make those pies! Let's make a pie chart! Do you have a ruler?"
I did. I went and found it, and brought it out. He took a piece of paper from the printer that Alex had given Jackie (he wasn't going to use it for the next two years, so what a better idea than to give it to Jackie?) and started making the chart. I sat next to him and watched. I wasn't so much watching the chart being born as I was watching how Ryan was making it. He was ever so careful, and he was concentrating. I could tell he was concentrating because his nose was moving forward and back.
"Did you know your nose wiggles when you're concentrating?" I asked.
He glanced at me. "Uhh... it's not because I'm concentrating, I don't think." But now that I had point out his nose-wiggling, it was moving left and right instead of forward and back, because now he was thinking about it. I haven't figured out what left and right nose wiggling means, but I'm fairly certain forward and back only happens when he's concentrating on something and not at all thinking out wiggling his nose. I smiled and laughed quietly.
He finished the pie chart, a square for each of the thirty months. "Alright, for every month, you have to make a pie. Even if it's a mud pie or a pie tin full of whipped cream. Make a pie and then draw it in the square for that month." We had two minutes before Ryan had to leave. "Can you draw our cherry pie in two minutes?"
"I don't know. I think so." I pulled out my markers. Unfortunately, it took a while to find the right colors. I drew and colored the pie hurriedly, and then when eleven o clock came, Ryan hugged me and dashed out the door so that he didn't break the Honor Code. I started cleaning up the mess I had left, and discovered under the pile of markers the letter I had written him. I sighed. I emailed him that I was holding it ransom, and thus he had to come say goodbye before he left and retrieve it. Then I went to bed.
I woke up in the morning... and I was not sure what to think about. I had to take the physics final today. I had to. Today was the last day of finals. I pulled out my physics booklet of chapter summaries and tried to concentrate on it. But then I kept remembering that my best friend was leaving today, and then my eyes would tear up and make it impossible to read. I eventually gave up. I ate some food. And then I tried to pack maybe. Gaah. Can't do that either. I finally pulled out my scriptures and read for a while, not knowing what else I could do. Ryan would be cleaning and packing right about now. He was supposed to leave around 3... and then wouldn't see him for over two years.
I heard a knock at my door and went to answer it. To my surprise, it was Ryan. Already. I answered hesitantly, because my eyes were still a little wet from my cry earlier.
"...Hi... Uhh... I'm here to say goodbye..."
I sputtered, "Already?" There was a telltale crack in my voice. It was only 10:30am. This couldn't be happening already. This wasn't supposed to happen for another few hours...
"Yeah... my grandfather decided instead to come get me at one instead of three..."
All I could manage was a weak "Oh..." We just stood there for a minute. And then... "Well, Jackie is here too if you want to say goodbye to her too..." He came in, and he said goodbye to Jackie. And then Jackie left the kitchen and it was just us two again. Ryan sighed. "Are you studying for physics? You have to take that today, right?"
I nodded. Then I said, "Actually, I haven't been able to concentrate on it. So I've been doing other random things. Reading scriptures. Cleaning a little. I think I went to Creamery, even."
"Hm. You wanna come help me pack?" I nodded. And then we went to his place. I helped him carry his desktop computer back to the place where he had borrowed it from. And then we went and I found his kitchen filthy. "Guck," he said. "I'm glad I'm leaving this for the other guys to clean up." It was ridiculously hot in there, so I opened the windows so that cool air would come in. I helped him finish off him chocolate milk. And then I cleaned some of his dishes while he packed some more. He found his iClicker, which he decided he needed to return at the Bookstore.
Ryan was gracious enough to let me follow him. We talked some, but mostly we just walked. We went and returned his iClicker, and he got about $25 for it. Of course, he had to deposit that in the bank. So we walked to his bank and he deposited it. And then... well, we did our usual exploring again. We walked around the Wilk this time. Then we decided it was imperative to find the Skyroom Restaurant. We found it... on the sixth floor. It was a very nice little restaurant. We looked at the menu... too expensive for our poor college student budgets. But I did notice a little sign saying that they were still hiring. I inquired into the job. I filled out a form for a job for spring term. And then we took the stairs to the fifth floor. We didn't see much interesting, but then we explored until we found a long corridor with no doors or lights or anything. But the walls were covered in paintings. We went down that and we found a flight of stairs. We went down that until we found a window with a beautiful view. Eventually we got down to the ground floor and then we headed home.
About this time I was starting to feel guilty about not studying physics when I was destined to fail it. Ryan turned toward his house, expecting me to follow, but I said quietly, "I think I have to study physics now. I can't fail." He looked at me. "Oh... okay then. I'll take you home." We walked to my stairs and then... then it really was goodbye. Ryan hugged me and held me close, and he wouldn't let go. "I'll be back real quick. It'll only be two years." I nodded and he hugged me harder. I didn't say anything, because I would have burst into tears.
He let me go after what I am sure was longer than fifteen seconds, and then he said goodbye. I managed to say a goodbye and then I turned away and climbed my stairs. And then I burst into tears. I looked up at the sky, holding back huge sobs that were in my throat. As I unlocked my door, I looked back to see Ryan looking back also. And then I went inside. And I just cried for a long time.
I ended up not failing my physics final. I may get a decent grade in that class. I came home after that, and rather than feeling relieved at finally being done... well, now I had nothing else to think about. I now had free time, but no best friend to spend it with. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Fun Times
This week has been busy! But, I think it is going well. Monday was quite busy, and we made tacos for family home evening. Tuesday consisted of an Isaiah test and a calculus test. Wednesday was as full as usual, but I also had a physics test.
I woke up late on Thursday... and barely made it to my social dance class on time at 8am. I signed in, and we danced a little when suddenly the wall separating the two hardwood ballrooms opened. The teacher from the class next door burst in. "Are there any ladies in here who would like to compete in DanceSport this Saturday who aren't signed up already?"
Crickets. We were slightly confused... since entry forms were due over a month ago. It was too late now. Much too late. My teacher piped up. "Extra credit!"
Ooh, extra credit is always good. I tentatively raise my hand. The other teacher immediately grabs me gleefully and pulls me into the ballroom next door, closing the wall behind her. "So, one of the guys in my class had his partner ditch him, and now he is partnerless! And the competition is in two days!" She makes her way over to the microphone. "Matt Romney, come see me!"
A lurpy blonde guy lurks out of the crowd, looking curiously at me.
"I found you a partner! Er... what is your name?"
"Jenna!"
"Okay, Jenna and Matt, new partners!" And she leaves. Matt and I stay at the side of the ballroom and exchange information.
"Er... can we practice sometime?" We end up deciding that 3pm in the JFSB courtyard would be best. I stayed in his class for the remainder of the hour so we could figure out how the other person danced.
After that I ran off to calculus. Then I ran home. I did some homework, and then packed my bag full of shoes (heels for chacha, tap shoes for Irish hard dancing, ballet shoes for soft dancing, and then I was wearing sneakers) and books and ran off to the Cougareat. Jenna craves sub sandwich. Mmmmm. I get myself a nice Subway sandwich, walk outside toward the JSB where my next class is... and then suddenly I realize how incredibly sunny and warm it is. I smile. I find a bench and eat my food. And then it occurs to me. I can just sit here and... absorb the sun. So I had a nap on the bench (which must have been about six feet long... I stretched out on it, and there was still room...). That... was glorious.
Then I went to Isaiah. After that, I had an hour until I was supposed to meet Matt. I decide there isn't time to run home. Nor is there really time for anything except finding a comfy place to do homework. I go to that one bench where I had my catnap, but I realize that it has gotten colder and windier and decide indoors is a better option. I look over at the JFSB. I haven't even gone in there since I quit my custodial job there. But I knew the place inside and out. And I decided the best place in there to study, considering its proximity to the courtyard and abundance of comfy places to sit... was the student commons. I walked in, feeling a little strange. And it was strange. I made my way over to where the tables and couches and such were...
I hadn't even been in there when other students were using it. I usually just cleaned it. Or at least I used to. I scanned the room for an empty table. Saw they were all occupied... But... that couch over there? Empty. But it was clear across the room. So I stiffened my resolve and headed straight for it, concentrating on it, willing others to stay away from it, so that I could commandeer it...
Aha! Here I am. I set my bag down on it, claiming the couch as mine. I then sign on to the kiosk next to it... I was suddenly overcome by an urge to email my dad and tell him hello. And I had hardly signed on, when, "Hello!"
I jump and whirl around. "Uh, hi..." It was Ryan. I keep bumping into him. All the time. Which is weird, because he doesn't stalk me and I don't stalk him. If I minded about it, it could have been annoying. But I don't mind. So I talk to him. "I didn't see you..."
"Yeah, I know," he said reproachfully. Then, "You were just like a zombie." He lifted up him arms so that they were parallel to the ground and started imitating an undead creature. "Just staring straight ahead... and then you walked right past me."
"Where were you?"
"At that table over there, doing homework."
"Oh. I'm doing homework too. Or at least I will be after I email my dad."
"Ah." We carried on some idle conversation, and I wasn't really concentrating on it, because my password repeatedly failed when I tried to sign into my email account. Arg.
He left and sat at his table. I wonder why I hadn't seen him. I had passed within inches of him. I finally figured out that the keyboard was stuck in caps and that that was why my password wasn't working. I finished emailing my dad. And then I moved to the couch I had claimed and started working on calculus. I couldn't see Ryan from there, but that was okay because I needed to concentrate. And I was concentrating quite well when I noticed Ryan had moved from the place where I couldn't see him to a place that was equally far away but where I could clearly see him. That kind of slowed down my work, but whatever... it was only calculus and so I didn't need ALL of my brain paying attention to do it. I finished it relatively quickly. And then he got up and left for his three'o'clock class, which was my signal to change from my sneakers in my dance heels so that I could dance with Matt. I got up and walked out of the student commons into the courtyard. Ah, a wide open space. Cool and windy. It was nice. I fiddled with the alarms and such on my phone until Matt showed up.
Then we practiced and figured out which moves we would do mostly. We decided that we would start out first with the sweetheart, and then do the three cha-cha move... then a few cross body leads... then some parallel breaks... and then repeat. We'd only have a few minutes on the floor. We decided that we would wear red, and then we left.
I then ran off to the RB. I was way early for Irish dance, but that was okay. I commandeered a bench near my classroom... put on my ballet slippers, and then started skipping through the hallways. Then I started leaping. Warmed up, I started practicing the two-hand reel for the heck of it. Once I was confident, I moved on to the four-hand reel, at which I really stink. Wow, Jenna. You must be bored.
"Hi!" I turn around. It is Shannon, who is also in my Irish dance class.
"Hey!" I smile big.
Shannon smiles weakly. "Are you ready for the test today?"
Test. What test. Oh, we're testing on the two-hand and four-hand reels today. Yikes. I'm doomed. Me too. Good luck. You too.
I suspect it was divine inspiration that prompted me to dance down the hallways before class that day. I don't think I would have passed otherwise. I hadn't ever done it before.
We tested on paper. Then we performed our reels in front of some fancy camera equipment so that my teacher could watch us over and over again and give us proper grades (yuck)... and then we pulled out our tap shoes and learned some new hard shoe moves. And at this point I was exhausted. Tired, sweaty. Mostly tired.
I went home, played a game... and slept. Whoo.
But...
TODAY IS PI DAY! March 14th... 3/14... 3.14... get it?
I walked into calculus this morning... to find a pi party awaiting my professor. James and a girl whose name I forgot had baked him a pi pie, and there was great pi artwork on the chalkboard. Dr. Cardon walked in, and we all yelled, "HAPPY PI DAY, DR. CARDON!" He was so shocked. And happy. And excited. He was so happy about the pie that he gave James a hug (James bragged about getting a hug from Dr. Cardon all day). And then, holding the pie in his hands. He looked around at us. "I would feel bad if I didn't share..." "No, we made it for you!" ... "But... but... I want to share..." "Dr. Cardon, it's your pie..." "I really want to share this pie... Can I share it?" "Uhhh... well, I guess so... it's your pie..." "Yay!" exclaimed my professor. And with that he ran off to his office to retrieve his secret stash of paper plates, napkins, and plastic forks. He came back, with them, beaming. We finished off our pi party by deriving pi using infinite series. Fun stuff. Ah, nerddom.
The other exciting happening... also involved pie. Lots of it. You see, I was in the Pi Day Pie Eating Contest. Which consisted of a very happy Jenna shoveling as much chocolate creme pie down her face as she could in 3.14 minutes. I actually got most of the pie down. After the competition (I didn't win... I lost to a teenage boy and there is no shame there) I grabbed some apple pie, because I hadn't gotten any of that. People looked at me funny... but hey, I like pie. What can I say?
I woke up late on Thursday... and barely made it to my social dance class on time at 8am. I signed in, and we danced a little when suddenly the wall separating the two hardwood ballrooms opened. The teacher from the class next door burst in. "Are there any ladies in here who would like to compete in DanceSport this Saturday who aren't signed up already?"
Crickets. We were slightly confused... since entry forms were due over a month ago. It was too late now. Much too late. My teacher piped up. "Extra credit!"
Ooh, extra credit is always good. I tentatively raise my hand. The other teacher immediately grabs me gleefully and pulls me into the ballroom next door, closing the wall behind her. "So, one of the guys in my class had his partner ditch him, and now he is partnerless! And the competition is in two days!" She makes her way over to the microphone. "Matt Romney, come see me!"
A lurpy blonde guy lurks out of the crowd, looking curiously at me.
"I found you a partner! Er... what is your name?"
"Jenna!"
"Okay, Jenna and Matt, new partners!" And she leaves. Matt and I stay at the side of the ballroom and exchange information.
"Er... can we practice sometime?" We end up deciding that 3pm in the JFSB courtyard would be best. I stayed in his class for the remainder of the hour so we could figure out how the other person danced.
After that I ran off to calculus. Then I ran home. I did some homework, and then packed my bag full of shoes (heels for chacha, tap shoes for Irish hard dancing, ballet shoes for soft dancing, and then I was wearing sneakers) and books and ran off to the Cougareat. Jenna craves sub sandwich. Mmmmm. I get myself a nice Subway sandwich, walk outside toward the JSB where my next class is... and then suddenly I realize how incredibly sunny and warm it is. I smile. I find a bench and eat my food. And then it occurs to me. I can just sit here and... absorb the sun. So I had a nap on the bench (which must have been about six feet long... I stretched out on it, and there was still room...). That... was glorious.
Then I went to Isaiah. After that, I had an hour until I was supposed to meet Matt. I decide there isn't time to run home. Nor is there really time for anything except finding a comfy place to do homework. I go to that one bench where I had my catnap, but I realize that it has gotten colder and windier and decide indoors is a better option. I look over at the JFSB. I haven't even gone in there since I quit my custodial job there. But I knew the place inside and out. And I decided the best place in there to study, considering its proximity to the courtyard and abundance of comfy places to sit... was the student commons. I walked in, feeling a little strange. And it was strange. I made my way over to where the tables and couches and such were...
I hadn't even been in there when other students were using it. I usually just cleaned it. Or at least I used to. I scanned the room for an empty table. Saw they were all occupied... But... that couch over there? Empty. But it was clear across the room. So I stiffened my resolve and headed straight for it, concentrating on it, willing others to stay away from it, so that I could commandeer it...
Aha! Here I am. I set my bag down on it, claiming the couch as mine. I then sign on to the kiosk next to it... I was suddenly overcome by an urge to email my dad and tell him hello. And I had hardly signed on, when, "Hello!"
I jump and whirl around. "Uh, hi..." It was Ryan. I keep bumping into him. All the time. Which is weird, because he doesn't stalk me and I don't stalk him. If I minded about it, it could have been annoying. But I don't mind. So I talk to him. "I didn't see you..."
"Yeah, I know," he said reproachfully. Then, "You were just like a zombie." He lifted up him arms so that they were parallel to the ground and started imitating an undead creature. "Just staring straight ahead... and then you walked right past me."
"Where were you?"
"At that table over there, doing homework."
"Oh. I'm doing homework too. Or at least I will be after I email my dad."
"Ah." We carried on some idle conversation, and I wasn't really concentrating on it, because my password repeatedly failed when I tried to sign into my email account. Arg.
He left and sat at his table. I wonder why I hadn't seen him. I had passed within inches of him. I finally figured out that the keyboard was stuck in caps and that that was why my password wasn't working. I finished emailing my dad. And then I moved to the couch I had claimed and started working on calculus. I couldn't see Ryan from there, but that was okay because I needed to concentrate. And I was concentrating quite well when I noticed Ryan had moved from the place where I couldn't see him to a place that was equally far away but where I could clearly see him. That kind of slowed down my work, but whatever... it was only calculus and so I didn't need ALL of my brain paying attention to do it. I finished it relatively quickly. And then he got up and left for his three'o'clock class, which was my signal to change from my sneakers in my dance heels so that I could dance with Matt. I got up and walked out of the student commons into the courtyard. Ah, a wide open space. Cool and windy. It was nice. I fiddled with the alarms and such on my phone until Matt showed up.
Then we practiced and figured out which moves we would do mostly. We decided that we would start out first with the sweetheart, and then do the three cha-cha move... then a few cross body leads... then some parallel breaks... and then repeat. We'd only have a few minutes on the floor. We decided that we would wear red, and then we left.
I then ran off to the RB. I was way early for Irish dance, but that was okay. I commandeered a bench near my classroom... put on my ballet slippers, and then started skipping through the hallways. Then I started leaping. Warmed up, I started practicing the two-hand reel for the heck of it. Once I was confident, I moved on to the four-hand reel, at which I really stink. Wow, Jenna. You must be bored.
"Hi!" I turn around. It is Shannon, who is also in my Irish dance class.
"Hey!" I smile big.
Shannon smiles weakly. "Are you ready for the test today?"
Test. What test. Oh, we're testing on the two-hand and four-hand reels today. Yikes. I'm doomed. Me too. Good luck. You too.
I suspect it was divine inspiration that prompted me to dance down the hallways before class that day. I don't think I would have passed otherwise. I hadn't ever done it before.
We tested on paper. Then we performed our reels in front of some fancy camera equipment so that my teacher could watch us over and over again and give us proper grades (yuck)... and then we pulled out our tap shoes and learned some new hard shoe moves. And at this point I was exhausted. Tired, sweaty. Mostly tired.
I went home, played a game... and slept. Whoo.
But...
TODAY IS PI DAY! March 14th... 3/14... 3.14... get it?
I walked into calculus this morning... to find a pi party awaiting my professor. James and a girl whose name I forgot had baked him a pi pie, and there was great pi artwork on the chalkboard. Dr. Cardon walked in, and we all yelled, "HAPPY PI DAY, DR. CARDON!" He was so shocked. And happy. And excited. He was so happy about the pie that he gave James a hug (James bragged about getting a hug from Dr. Cardon all day). And then, holding the pie in his hands. He looked around at us. "I would feel bad if I didn't share..." "No, we made it for you!" ... "But... but... I want to share..." "Dr. Cardon, it's your pie..." "I really want to share this pie... Can I share it?" "Uhhh... well, I guess so... it's your pie..." "Yay!" exclaimed my professor. And with that he ran off to his office to retrieve his secret stash of paper plates, napkins, and plastic forks. He came back, with them, beaming. We finished off our pi party by deriving pi using infinite series. Fun stuff. Ah, nerddom.
The other exciting happening... also involved pie. Lots of it. You see, I was in the Pi Day Pie Eating Contest. Which consisted of a very happy Jenna shoveling as much chocolate creme pie down her face as she could in 3.14 minutes. I actually got most of the pie down. After the competition (I didn't win... I lost to a teenage boy and there is no shame there) I grabbed some apple pie, because I hadn't gotten any of that. People looked at me funny... but hey, I like pie. What can I say?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
In Which I Am Jobless, My Brain Turns to Mush, and I End Up Not Owing My Roommates M&Ms...
Yesterday has to be one of the most spectacularly strange days I've had in awhile. I survived. This 'un is a tad long, but then, yesterday was long. So... I feel justified.
I woke up, and it was dark outside. The clouds had parted enough that the moonlight was shining through my window. My alarm hadn't gone off, so I figured it was before 3:30 am... I tried to look at my watch, but all I could see in the near pitch blackness was the minute hand, which lay squarely on the 11th hour... ?:55. Okay. I figured it was 2:55 am. I reached for my phone to make sure.
I flipped it open. My brain fell through down to my knees and I felt sick immediately.
5:55 am.
I am so late for work. With a rush of adrenaline, I got out of bed, walked out of my bedroom... and I made it to the kitchen couch, at which point I just sat back down. I was out of energy already.
In fact, I felt numb all over. Late for work? How can this be? I promised myself I wouldn't miss anymore work this month. I started reviewing the last month in my head. The first week of the month consisted mostly of going to bed on time, and then staring at the ceiling, not able to sleep in the slightest... and then, just when I would start to drift off to sleep, I would jerk awake from the sound of my alarm clock cheerily informing me it was time to go to week. At this point, there was no way I was going to work. I would then call in, and then gather a few hours of sleep before class would start. The second week was different... I could sleep, but I was miserably sick. The third week... I went to work for the first half, and then the plague of the first week came back. I was up all night, thinking... and then I would get enormously frustrated that I couldn't sleep when I so obviously was exhausted...
I promised myself I wouldn't miss work again this month no matter what.
And here I am. Missing work. Again. Sitting on the couch. Numb. Staring into space.
I need to quit... No, no... I can't do that... You've flipped your lid. You're trying to spin too many plates, and this one just dropped and shattered.
That little voice in my head was right. I need to quit.
At that thought, limp tears started streaming down my face. Why am I so upset? My mind was active, even if I was as physically active as a vegetable... Quitting something has always felt like failing something to me. For me, it was a matter of pride... at all costs, I avoid admitting that I can't do everything to the point where I actually believe I can do everything and not go crazy. And by the time I realize I can't do it all, and I do go crazy, it's obvious to me that I can't actually quit any of it anymore.
But... I can quit work.
No, I can't. I need the money.
You need to think this through. How much do I have? How much do I need, and when? I've got enough to last me through the rest of winter semester, all of spring, and most of next fall. I'll need to take up work some more in the spring and the summer. But... the point is, I can afford to be jobless for the remainder of this semester... which I need to do.
I need to do this, and I can afford to.
My resolve stiffened, I look over at the clock, and I blink... back in reality, I see that it's 6:40... Wow... did I really spend all that time just sitting on the couch, thinking? Slightly energized with my decision, but still teary-eyed and wet-faced, I get up, gather my things, and head out the door. I nearly forget the bagels.
It is a tradition at our weekly training meetings to have a breakfast potluck... and every time I was assigned to bring something, I would take it to work, even if I had called in sick. It would be awful to go down to talk to my boss and forget bagels after all that...
I gloomily walk down to the JFSB, books and bagels in hand. I walk in the back way... go down the elevator, and find the custodial office. My boss isn't there. The other crew's boss tries to call him on the radio, but he left his radio in the office.
I leave the bag of bagels on top of the pile of food in the office for the breakfast potluck my co-workers were about to have... then I went to hunt down Glen, my boss.
I finally found him in the Anthropology Lab. "Hi, Glen."
"Hey, you found me! ... You didn't call in at all..."
"No... I... I just woke up, and I need to talk to you so..."
He looked at me, and the tears that had been stuck on my eyelids finally started falling down my face. Why was I so ashamed?
"Jennifer, do you need to quit?"
"I... Yes. Yes, I need to quit." I explained to him what had been going on lately with my life, and with that, my eyes started making tears faster than they could get rid of them. I was pretty much blinded.
Oh, this was so embarrassing. One of the things I've always hated that I've never succeeded in changing is not being able to hold back tears when I feel like crying. A skill like that would be mighty useful at this point.
"Jennifer, it's okay..." And with that he proceeded to explain that I needn't be embarrassed or ashamed for needing to quit. Then he said something that surprised me. "We'll go ahead and make today your last day."
I blinked. The policy was that if I ever were to quit, I had to give a two-weeks notice. But he just said...
"Well, you've been one of the best workers we've ever had. You're dedicated... I mean, you even bring the food you said you'd bring to the potluck even when you're sick!"
I was starting to go numb again.
"Okay, Jennifer, I'll go terminate your paperwork right now... And if you ever can and want to come back, I'll definitely let you come back. I'd hire you again immediately. And you can still come to our potlucks on Friday! Okay?"
I nodded, and then we said goodbye and I left.
And I felt numb again.
But the day wasn't over at all. I hadn't even gotten through half of my homework last night. I plunged through my calculus homework in the math department computer lab and then...
Frozen.
No. No. I JUST FINISHED IT!
When I brought the program back up... I had lost all my algorithms. No... no... I don't have TIME for this. I just don't! I did it again, and then printed it off. And then I got out my physics.
I looked through the homework.
And then I looked through it again.
What? This... can't be happening to me! I don't understand any of this! I can't handle this right now... I haven't had time to look at it yet. I don't have time to do it now.
But I plunged on... except slower than a snail would do it. Much slower. In fact, I don't think I was making any progress at all.
The bell rang.
I closed my eyes and said a little prayer. Then I got up and went to calculus. I made an executive decision to take notes instead of sleeping or continuing through the physics homework. And then after class was over, I headed for the MARB, so I could work on the physics some more.
But then... Eat, Jenna. You haven't eaten yet this morning and it's almost 10am. You need to eat. So... instead, I turned around, and steered straight for the Cougareat. I grabbed food and then I went to the MARB. I ate it. Then I looked at the clock. 10:30. I've got half and hour until physics class starts.
I began to despair. I pulled out the physics again, read through the problems. I didn't even know where to start.
Jenna! Look at your syllabus!
...The syllabus isn't going to help me with this.
Look at your syllabus.
So I pulled it out. My eyes jumped to the section titled, Homework. I read it, despairing.
And then...
A ray of hope. "After the due date, homework is late and worth 1/4 of the points. Three late assignments will be forgiven and counted as on time." I blinked and looked down at the quantity of assignments due today... three assignments. Exactly. I just hadn't had time. And... it was alright. Everything was going to be okay. I decided to try and finish just one of the assignments before 1pm, which was when the homework was due.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do so. I ended getting half way done, but I didn't get through it all... But it was okay. I just needed to turn everything else in on time for the remainder of the semester. And everything would be fine...
After physics, I ran to choir. After that, I ran to biology.
And... biology let out early. So I headed down to the physics lab.
And thankfully... the physics lab was ridiculously easy. I just had to set up a network of resistors with an equivalent resistance equal to the last four digits of my BYUID number. It literally took me five minutes. I ran home. Took the hyperquiz for biology... and then... a sigh of relief.
I... I can relax.
I just sat on my bed for a bit. Then I got up and cleaned the kitchen. Then I found Hillary in her room. She was playing the Sims, and had created a Sim family for me. She informed me that the Sim Jenna (named Code Blue Pheonix... yes, Pheonix, not Phoenix) was pregnant. I watched her manipulate Code Blue and her family until the Sim child was born... and then grown into a child. Then we watched Return of the Cat.
In the middle of the movie, Rochelle, who was sitting at my computer and using it, yelled, "Jenna! Ryan's talking to you! He says, 'You quit your job?'" I get up.
"Yeah, I did quit my job..."
Rochelle laughed evilly, and then imitated my voice. "Yes, my love, I did! I quit so I could spend more time with you!"
I rolled my eyes, and Ashley laughed. "Ahaha! Ro, I would pay you to type that!"
Thankfully, I got to my computer in time to prevent such a happening. I told Ryan I was busy, and signed out of chat so that Ro wouldn't do anything mean, and then I went and finished watching the movie. After that, I played the piano.
Knock knock knock...
I take off the headphones from the keyboard and look at the clock. 7:20...
Oh yeah, I have a date! Hillary gets the door, and it's Ryan. "Are you ready to go?"
"Uhh... yes." I grab my coat and we go. We talk all the way over to the HFAC, mostly about why I decided to quit my job. I realize suddenly just how ridiculously stressed I am. And suddenly I was so thankful I was on a date doing something instead of just aimlessly wandering about my apartment like I do when I'm stressed.
We walk into the recital hall and to our shock and amazement... it is jam packed. This was just a little opera performance! I look around for seats... "Hey, let's sit in our spot!" We have a spot? I look up to the top of the hall, where Ryan was looking, to a little corner in the back, where we last time we came to a music performance. Two seats... empty.
We squeeze our way over to them. I glance Hillary and Rachel coming in after us... I guess they had decided to spy on us tonight. Silly roommates.
And then it started.
So... confession time. During the middle of the opera, I looked over at Ryan... and then at his hands. And I thought, I want to hold his hand... I'm sure you've had those moments where time just stops and your brain splits in two and starts arguing... this was one of those times. I eventually convinced myself it was a terrible idea, because he was leaving on his mission in a few months... and I already knew I would be ridiculously sad when it happened. Holding hands would make it even worse. And, Ryan said he didn't want a girlfriend before his mission, and I had agreed with him, because I didn't want a pre-mish boyfriend. And holding hands was the sort of thing girlfriends and boyfriends did. So it was settled.
I started paying attention again to the opera.
Then Ryan whispers in my ear, "Hey, can I hold your hand?"
Whoa. "What?" I cannot have heard that right. I can't have...
"Uh... Can I hold your hand?"
Apparently I did hear that right. "Why?"
I don't what he had been expecting me to say, but it obviously wasn't 'why?'. He didn't know what to say... "Uhhh... because... because I'm scared?" He said it in a silly sort of voice that meant he wanted to... just because he wanted to.
"No!"
"Oh. Okay." And with that the next scene started and he slunk down in his seat.
After the opera, we went to the library and watched Home Star Runner videos for awhile. I think that by that time, my brain had turned to some sort of ghastly green mush. I was so tired... So tired.
"What do you want to do?" "You want to watch something else?" "Wanna go somewhere else?"
I think a long stream of "I don't know"s was the only answer I gave Ryan.
Finally, I realized that I was tired. I told him so.
He just kind of looked at me for a moment. "You mean this whole time you've been trying to tell me you want to go home?"
"Uhh... no... no... well, I don't know." Oh shoot, I'm doing the 'I dunno' thing again. How extraordinarily annoying that must be for him. Then, "Well, I guess let's go home."
He walked me home, and he gave me an extraordinarily terse hug, and then I went inside.
Jackie ran out the door with pillow in hand... she was going to save us a spot on the sign-up list for the Monticello apartments for next year. We had all planned on sleeping over there, but I just felt so ridiculously tired...
In the kitchen, I was greeted by Rachel and Hillary. "Heeeeeeeeeyyy!" they squealed happily.
"Hi." Ooh, I sounded dead.
They stared at me. "Why the grimace?" I told them about the holding hands thing. Rachel laughed at me, as did Hillary, but it was a sympathetic rather than mocking sort. Hillary comforted me as best she could.
I cried for a bit (because usually Fridays are wonderful, and this one wasn't), then I went to bed.
So, all in all, yesterday was... horrid. But looking on the bright side...
Bright side. Is there one? Okay, stretching it. It is tradition at BYU for girls that the first time you hold hands with a guy, you owe your roommates M&Ms. The first kiss, you owe them all ice cream. Engagement... steak dinner.
So here's the bright side. I continue to not owe anyone M&Ms. I'd say that's a good thing?
I woke up, and it was dark outside. The clouds had parted enough that the moonlight was shining through my window. My alarm hadn't gone off, so I figured it was before 3:30 am... I tried to look at my watch, but all I could see in the near pitch blackness was the minute hand, which lay squarely on the 11th hour... ?:55. Okay. I figured it was 2:55 am. I reached for my phone to make sure.
I flipped it open. My brain fell through down to my knees and I felt sick immediately.
5:55 am.
I am so late for work. With a rush of adrenaline, I got out of bed, walked out of my bedroom... and I made it to the kitchen couch, at which point I just sat back down. I was out of energy already.
In fact, I felt numb all over. Late for work? How can this be? I promised myself I wouldn't miss anymore work this month. I started reviewing the last month in my head. The first week of the month consisted mostly of going to bed on time, and then staring at the ceiling, not able to sleep in the slightest... and then, just when I would start to drift off to sleep, I would jerk awake from the sound of my alarm clock cheerily informing me it was time to go to week. At this point, there was no way I was going to work. I would then call in, and then gather a few hours of sleep before class would start. The second week was different... I could sleep, but I was miserably sick. The third week... I went to work for the first half, and then the plague of the first week came back. I was up all night, thinking... and then I would get enormously frustrated that I couldn't sleep when I so obviously was exhausted...
I promised myself I wouldn't miss work again this month no matter what.
And here I am. Missing work. Again. Sitting on the couch. Numb. Staring into space.
I need to quit... No, no... I can't do that... You've flipped your lid. You're trying to spin too many plates, and this one just dropped and shattered.
That little voice in my head was right. I need to quit.
At that thought, limp tears started streaming down my face. Why am I so upset? My mind was active, even if I was as physically active as a vegetable... Quitting something has always felt like failing something to me. For me, it was a matter of pride... at all costs, I avoid admitting that I can't do everything to the point where I actually believe I can do everything and not go crazy. And by the time I realize I can't do it all, and I do go crazy, it's obvious to me that I can't actually quit any of it anymore.
But... I can quit work.
No, I can't. I need the money.
You need to think this through. How much do I have? How much do I need, and when? I've got enough to last me through the rest of winter semester, all of spring, and most of next fall. I'll need to take up work some more in the spring and the summer. But... the point is, I can afford to be jobless for the remainder of this semester... which I need to do.
I need to do this, and I can afford to.
My resolve stiffened, I look over at the clock, and I blink... back in reality, I see that it's 6:40... Wow... did I really spend all that time just sitting on the couch, thinking? Slightly energized with my decision, but still teary-eyed and wet-faced, I get up, gather my things, and head out the door. I nearly forget the bagels.
It is a tradition at our weekly training meetings to have a breakfast potluck... and every time I was assigned to bring something, I would take it to work, even if I had called in sick. It would be awful to go down to talk to my boss and forget bagels after all that...
I gloomily walk down to the JFSB, books and bagels in hand. I walk in the back way... go down the elevator, and find the custodial office. My boss isn't there. The other crew's boss tries to call him on the radio, but he left his radio in the office.
I leave the bag of bagels on top of the pile of food in the office for the breakfast potluck my co-workers were about to have... then I went to hunt down Glen, my boss.
I finally found him in the Anthropology Lab. "Hi, Glen."
"Hey, you found me! ... You didn't call in at all..."
"No... I... I just woke up, and I need to talk to you so..."
He looked at me, and the tears that had been stuck on my eyelids finally started falling down my face. Why was I so ashamed?
"Jennifer, do you need to quit?"
"I... Yes. Yes, I need to quit." I explained to him what had been going on lately with my life, and with that, my eyes started making tears faster than they could get rid of them. I was pretty much blinded.
Oh, this was so embarrassing. One of the things I've always hated that I've never succeeded in changing is not being able to hold back tears when I feel like crying. A skill like that would be mighty useful at this point.
"Jennifer, it's okay..." And with that he proceeded to explain that I needn't be embarrassed or ashamed for needing to quit. Then he said something that surprised me. "We'll go ahead and make today your last day."
I blinked. The policy was that if I ever were to quit, I had to give a two-weeks notice. But he just said...
"Well, you've been one of the best workers we've ever had. You're dedicated... I mean, you even bring the food you said you'd bring to the potluck even when you're sick!"
I was starting to go numb again.
"Okay, Jennifer, I'll go terminate your paperwork right now... And if you ever can and want to come back, I'll definitely let you come back. I'd hire you again immediately. And you can still come to our potlucks on Friday! Okay?"
I nodded, and then we said goodbye and I left.
And I felt numb again.
But the day wasn't over at all. I hadn't even gotten through half of my homework last night. I plunged through my calculus homework in the math department computer lab and then...
Frozen.
No. No. I JUST FINISHED IT!
When I brought the program back up... I had lost all my algorithms. No... no... I don't have TIME for this. I just don't! I did it again, and then printed it off. And then I got out my physics.
I looked through the homework.
And then I looked through it again.
What? This... can't be happening to me! I don't understand any of this! I can't handle this right now... I haven't had time to look at it yet. I don't have time to do it now.
But I plunged on... except slower than a snail would do it. Much slower. In fact, I don't think I was making any progress at all.
The bell rang.
I closed my eyes and said a little prayer. Then I got up and went to calculus. I made an executive decision to take notes instead of sleeping or continuing through the physics homework. And then after class was over, I headed for the MARB, so I could work on the physics some more.
But then... Eat, Jenna. You haven't eaten yet this morning and it's almost 10am. You need to eat. So... instead, I turned around, and steered straight for the Cougareat. I grabbed food and then I went to the MARB. I ate it. Then I looked at the clock. 10:30. I've got half and hour until physics class starts.
I began to despair. I pulled out the physics again, read through the problems. I didn't even know where to start.
Jenna! Look at your syllabus!
...The syllabus isn't going to help me with this.
Look at your syllabus.
So I pulled it out. My eyes jumped to the section titled, Homework. I read it, despairing.
And then...
A ray of hope. "After the due date, homework is late and worth 1/4 of the points. Three late assignments will be forgiven and counted as on time." I blinked and looked down at the quantity of assignments due today... three assignments. Exactly. I just hadn't had time. And... it was alright. Everything was going to be okay. I decided to try and finish just one of the assignments before 1pm, which was when the homework was due.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do so. I ended getting half way done, but I didn't get through it all... But it was okay. I just needed to turn everything else in on time for the remainder of the semester. And everything would be fine...
After physics, I ran to choir. After that, I ran to biology.
And... biology let out early. So I headed down to the physics lab.
And thankfully... the physics lab was ridiculously easy. I just had to set up a network of resistors with an equivalent resistance equal to the last four digits of my BYUID number. It literally took me five minutes. I ran home. Took the hyperquiz for biology... and then... a sigh of relief.
I... I can relax.
I just sat on my bed for a bit. Then I got up and cleaned the kitchen. Then I found Hillary in her room. She was playing the Sims, and had created a Sim family for me. She informed me that the Sim Jenna (named Code Blue Pheonix... yes, Pheonix, not Phoenix) was pregnant. I watched her manipulate Code Blue and her family until the Sim child was born... and then grown into a child. Then we watched Return of the Cat.
In the middle of the movie, Rochelle, who was sitting at my computer and using it, yelled, "Jenna! Ryan's talking to you! He says, 'You quit your job?'" I get up.
"Yeah, I did quit my job..."
Rochelle laughed evilly, and then imitated my voice. "Yes, my love, I did! I quit so I could spend more time with you!"
I rolled my eyes, and Ashley laughed. "Ahaha! Ro, I would pay you to type that!"
Thankfully, I got to my computer in time to prevent such a happening. I told Ryan I was busy, and signed out of chat so that Ro wouldn't do anything mean, and then I went and finished watching the movie. After that, I played the piano.
Knock knock knock...
I take off the headphones from the keyboard and look at the clock. 7:20...
Oh yeah, I have a date! Hillary gets the door, and it's Ryan. "Are you ready to go?"
"Uhh... yes." I grab my coat and we go. We talk all the way over to the HFAC, mostly about why I decided to quit my job. I realize suddenly just how ridiculously stressed I am. And suddenly I was so thankful I was on a date doing something instead of just aimlessly wandering about my apartment like I do when I'm stressed.
We walk into the recital hall and to our shock and amazement... it is jam packed. This was just a little opera performance! I look around for seats... "Hey, let's sit in our spot!" We have a spot? I look up to the top of the hall, where Ryan was looking, to a little corner in the back, where we last time we came to a music performance. Two seats... empty.
We squeeze our way over to them. I glance Hillary and Rachel coming in after us... I guess they had decided to spy on us tonight. Silly roommates.
And then it started.
So... confession time. During the middle of the opera, I looked over at Ryan... and then at his hands. And I thought, I want to hold his hand... I'm sure you've had those moments where time just stops and your brain splits in two and starts arguing... this was one of those times. I eventually convinced myself it was a terrible idea, because he was leaving on his mission in a few months... and I already knew I would be ridiculously sad when it happened. Holding hands would make it even worse. And, Ryan said he didn't want a girlfriend before his mission, and I had agreed with him, because I didn't want a pre-mish boyfriend. And holding hands was the sort of thing girlfriends and boyfriends did. So it was settled.
I started paying attention again to the opera.
Then Ryan whispers in my ear, "Hey, can I hold your hand?"
Whoa. "What?" I cannot have heard that right. I can't have...
"Uh... Can I hold your hand?"
Apparently I did hear that right. "Why?"
I don't what he had been expecting me to say, but it obviously wasn't 'why?'. He didn't know what to say... "Uhhh... because... because I'm scared?" He said it in a silly sort of voice that meant he wanted to... just because he wanted to.
"No!"
"Oh. Okay." And with that the next scene started and he slunk down in his seat.
After the opera, we went to the library and watched Home Star Runner videos for awhile. I think that by that time, my brain had turned to some sort of ghastly green mush. I was so tired... So tired.
"What do you want to do?" "You want to watch something else?" "Wanna go somewhere else?"
I think a long stream of "I don't know"s was the only answer I gave Ryan.
Finally, I realized that I was tired. I told him so.
He just kind of looked at me for a moment. "You mean this whole time you've been trying to tell me you want to go home?"
"Uhh... no... no... well, I don't know." Oh shoot, I'm doing the 'I dunno' thing again. How extraordinarily annoying that must be for him. Then, "Well, I guess let's go home."
He walked me home, and he gave me an extraordinarily terse hug, and then I went inside.
Jackie ran out the door with pillow in hand... she was going to save us a spot on the sign-up list for the Monticello apartments for next year. We had all planned on sleeping over there, but I just felt so ridiculously tired...
In the kitchen, I was greeted by Rachel and Hillary. "Heeeeeeeeeyyy!" they squealed happily.
"Hi." Ooh, I sounded dead.
They stared at me. "Why the grimace?" I told them about the holding hands thing. Rachel laughed at me, as did Hillary, but it was a sympathetic rather than mocking sort. Hillary comforted me as best she could.
I cried for a bit (because usually Fridays are wonderful, and this one wasn't), then I went to bed.
So, all in all, yesterday was... horrid. But looking on the bright side...
Bright side. Is there one? Okay, stretching it. It is tradition at BYU for girls that the first time you hold hands with a guy, you owe your roommates M&Ms. The first kiss, you owe them all ice cream. Engagement... steak dinner.
So here's the bright side. I continue to not owe anyone M&Ms. I'd say that's a good thing?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Getting Back in the Groove.
I am back! And, as far as I can tell, all is well. I haven't really got any exciting stories as of yet, but I can tell you about my classes... because, well... that's all that has been occupying my life lately, hehe.
I have a grand total of ten classes this semester, but overall it's an easier workload this time since it's a bunch of easy low-credit classes and a few difficult ones.
My first class is Calculus 2... which shouldn't be that bad since I already know the material, and I know the professor already. I have it every single day. Unfortunately, since I know the stuff that's being taught already, I have a teensy tendency to doze off in class... in the front row... midsentence or midsymbol in notes... right under Dr. Cardon's nose. I have tried various methods of staying awake in this class. Varying amounts of sleep the previous night seem to have no impact... high dosages of sugar usually get me through the first half... but by far, the best method is totally not paying attention to the lecture and thinking about something exciting. If I try to pay attention, sadly I shall inevitably fall asleep, and miraculously still have all the notes at the end of class. (Accurate and precise sleep-note-taking is a valuable skill.)
My next class is by far the hardest. Physics 220 is reputed to be the most difficult and most failed class on campus... after all, unlike mechanics and dynamics, the physics of electricity and magnetism isn't intuitive. Now add in the calculus to the difficult concepts, and we have a challenge. Which, quite frankly, I am deathly excited for. Jackie is also in this class with me. The trick to learning physics is simple. Study buddy. A study buddy whose bed is about fifteen meters from yours is even better. It also helps if she happens to be a physics major... like Jackie. The class itself has a few fun demos, but mostly we haven't done anything particularly exciting, not even real lectures. Apparently class time is for clarification rather than learning what the book says... well, that's all fine and dandy I suppose.
When I get out of physics, I dash like a madwoman to the HFAC for University Chorale. Yes, I got in. And yay! I'm a second alto. Such a thing thrills me! I haven't learned much yet. Most of the techniques so far I learned in elementary school choir, or in marching or symphonic band. And since I'm not terrible at sight reading music, this class is a fun break from an otherwise plain ol' stressful academic Monday, Wednesday, or Friday. Another added benefit in this class is that I happen to be among the taller altos, so I'm in the back, and can spy on my friends, like Marissa, Krista, Will, Ryan, and Dallin (in order of distance from me) from my perch near the top of the choir. Sweet, glorified pudding.
When I get out of choir, I run back to the building where I had physics for biology, which I also have with Jackie. I have yet to see if I will like this subject... so far we've only talked about critical thinking, and how to find reputable studies, and well... nothing biology-ish yet. I am actually quite proud of myself for not falling asleep in this class yet, since we haven't done anything particularly exciting.
My Book of Mormon class is amazing. I usually sit with Hillary and Ryan, and Brother Swift is engaging. He tends to go off on random, but appropriate, tangents all the time, which serve a multipurpose use. The first, I stay awake. The second, I pick up on "side note" principles that I hadn't noticed before. And since it happens to be my last class on Monday (an evil day if I may say so), I happen to enjoy more exquisitely the sound of the bell at the end of class, even if class was enjoyable. I mean, this is the time where my eyelids are starting to droop, and I'm hungry, and I can't possibly intake anymore academic material. Home, sweet home, here I come!
My first class on Tuesdays and Thursdays is social dance, which is basically... beginning ballroom dance. Although I was terrified that I would suck royally at this class, I have found myself to be among the better dancers. This, my friends, is quite thrilling. I know, I know, all we are learning so far is Foxtrot... but, the point is, I'm good at what I've learned so far. My marching band experience has given me a preface to the experience of learning smooth and continuous footwork, and a sense of rhythm. The only thing that I have to adjust... one of the ten commandments of marching band is, "Thou shalt not bounce when moving." Welcome to dance, where you're supposed to move up and down with your feet.
I also have an Isaiah class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am SO excited for this one. As the sort of person who hates not understanding things, I figured I'd better shape up and at least develop the skills to understand Isaiah. That guy and I have some serious communication issues, but I'm sure he has some important things to say... so here goes! I sit in between Jon (my FHE husband, haha) and Angela (Clifton's girlfriend), so again, I have wondrous study buddies. Except I've learned that Jon is quite the chatterbox. It's just that he's never in a situation where he's heard (remember he talks so quietly I have to strain to understand him). All I know is that there's a continuous strain of Jon-commentary going throughout the class. He also snickers to himself a lot. It would be annoying if it weren't for.. well, okay. It is annoying. Quite. But the seats have been assigned and there's no moving away from Sir Jon the Mumbler.
My last class on those days is Irish dance... beginning level, of course. So far, this has been a tad bit more frustrating than social dance. The teacher for this one doesn't have as spiffy a set of teaching skills as my social dance teacher, so I'm struggling a little more to pick up the footwork from her. And, if most of the more agile class has figured it out, she moves on to a new, more complicated move. Oh dearie goodness me, though. I feel so lost sometimes in that class. But the great thing is... both Hillary and Rachel are also in this class, so we can have our own Irish dance practice in our lobby... slow-paced just for me. Usually they pick it up faster and are better at teaching me the moves.
The last class that has a scheduled time for is University Orchestra... yes, a full orchestra! I am quite literally squealing with delight at the thought of it. I'm playing bassoon, and the better thing is... we are playing some of my most favorite pieces, including Swan Lake, Carmen, Hungarian Dance, and the Unfinished Symphony. I am SO excited! It meets once a week in the the evening time, and although we don't start playing until tomorrow... well. Let's just say my heart is pounding out of my chest in anticipation.
My last class... is a joke. Genuinely. It is comparable to Chandler High's safety ed course. A joke. Same material minus the driver's ed portion... basic information about healthy living. It's even more of a joke since it's only offered online, and it's only half a credit. So... whatever.
That's my life at the moment, and I have to dash off to Irish dance in a few minutes, so I may write you some amazing stories later.
I have a grand total of ten classes this semester, but overall it's an easier workload this time since it's a bunch of easy low-credit classes and a few difficult ones.
My first class is Calculus 2... which shouldn't be that bad since I already know the material, and I know the professor already. I have it every single day. Unfortunately, since I know the stuff that's being taught already, I have a teensy tendency to doze off in class... in the front row... midsentence or midsymbol in notes... right under Dr. Cardon's nose. I have tried various methods of staying awake in this class. Varying amounts of sleep the previous night seem to have no impact... high dosages of sugar usually get me through the first half... but by far, the best method is totally not paying attention to the lecture and thinking about something exciting. If I try to pay attention, sadly I shall inevitably fall asleep, and miraculously still have all the notes at the end of class. (Accurate and precise sleep-note-taking is a valuable skill.)
My next class is by far the hardest. Physics 220 is reputed to be the most difficult and most failed class on campus... after all, unlike mechanics and dynamics, the physics of electricity and magnetism isn't intuitive. Now add in the calculus to the difficult concepts, and we have a challenge. Which, quite frankly, I am deathly excited for. Jackie is also in this class with me. The trick to learning physics is simple. Study buddy. A study buddy whose bed is about fifteen meters from yours is even better. It also helps if she happens to be a physics major... like Jackie. The class itself has a few fun demos, but mostly we haven't done anything particularly exciting, not even real lectures. Apparently class time is for clarification rather than learning what the book says... well, that's all fine and dandy I suppose.
When I get out of physics, I dash like a madwoman to the HFAC for University Chorale. Yes, I got in. And yay! I'm a second alto. Such a thing thrills me! I haven't learned much yet. Most of the techniques so far I learned in elementary school choir, or in marching or symphonic band. And since I'm not terrible at sight reading music, this class is a fun break from an otherwise plain ol' stressful academic Monday, Wednesday, or Friday. Another added benefit in this class is that I happen to be among the taller altos, so I'm in the back, and can spy on my friends, like Marissa, Krista, Will, Ryan, and Dallin (in order of distance from me) from my perch near the top of the choir. Sweet, glorified pudding.
When I get out of choir, I run back to the building where I had physics for biology, which I also have with Jackie. I have yet to see if I will like this subject... so far we've only talked about critical thinking, and how to find reputable studies, and well... nothing biology-ish yet. I am actually quite proud of myself for not falling asleep in this class yet, since we haven't done anything particularly exciting.
My Book of Mormon class is amazing. I usually sit with Hillary and Ryan, and Brother Swift is engaging. He tends to go off on random, but appropriate, tangents all the time, which serve a multipurpose use. The first, I stay awake. The second, I pick up on "side note" principles that I hadn't noticed before. And since it happens to be my last class on Monday (an evil day if I may say so), I happen to enjoy more exquisitely the sound of the bell at the end of class, even if class was enjoyable. I mean, this is the time where my eyelids are starting to droop, and I'm hungry, and I can't possibly intake anymore academic material. Home, sweet home, here I come!
My first class on Tuesdays and Thursdays is social dance, which is basically... beginning ballroom dance. Although I was terrified that I would suck royally at this class, I have found myself to be among the better dancers. This, my friends, is quite thrilling. I know, I know, all we are learning so far is Foxtrot... but, the point is, I'm good at what I've learned so far. My marching band experience has given me a preface to the experience of learning smooth and continuous footwork, and a sense of rhythm. The only thing that I have to adjust... one of the ten commandments of marching band is, "Thou shalt not bounce when moving." Welcome to dance, where you're supposed to move up and down with your feet.
I also have an Isaiah class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am SO excited for this one. As the sort of person who hates not understanding things, I figured I'd better shape up and at least develop the skills to understand Isaiah. That guy and I have some serious communication issues, but I'm sure he has some important things to say... so here goes! I sit in between Jon (my FHE husband, haha) and Angela (Clifton's girlfriend), so again, I have wondrous study buddies. Except I've learned that Jon is quite the chatterbox. It's just that he's never in a situation where he's heard (remember he talks so quietly I have to strain to understand him). All I know is that there's a continuous strain of Jon-commentary going throughout the class. He also snickers to himself a lot. It would be annoying if it weren't for.. well, okay. It is annoying. Quite. But the seats have been assigned and there's no moving away from Sir Jon the Mumbler.
My last class on those days is Irish dance... beginning level, of course. So far, this has been a tad bit more frustrating than social dance. The teacher for this one doesn't have as spiffy a set of teaching skills as my social dance teacher, so I'm struggling a little more to pick up the footwork from her. And, if most of the more agile class has figured it out, she moves on to a new, more complicated move. Oh dearie goodness me, though. I feel so lost sometimes in that class. But the great thing is... both Hillary and Rachel are also in this class, so we can have our own Irish dance practice in our lobby... slow-paced just for me. Usually they pick it up faster and are better at teaching me the moves.
The last class that has a scheduled time for is University Orchestra... yes, a full orchestra! I am quite literally squealing with delight at the thought of it. I'm playing bassoon, and the better thing is... we are playing some of my most favorite pieces, including Swan Lake, Carmen, Hungarian Dance, and the Unfinished Symphony. I am SO excited! It meets once a week in the the evening time, and although we don't start playing until tomorrow... well. Let's just say my heart is pounding out of my chest in anticipation.
My last class... is a joke. Genuinely. It is comparable to Chandler High's safety ed course. A joke. Same material minus the driver's ed portion... basic information about healthy living. It's even more of a joke since it's only offered online, and it's only half a credit. So... whatever.
That's my life at the moment, and I have to dash off to Irish dance in a few minutes, so I may write you some amazing stories later.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Crazy Week!
Well, it wasn't particularly exciting... but I did promise people to keep in touch and a few people told me they looked forward to hearing about my dates. Soo... I feel obligated... or something.
Last Monday was long and horrid. I only had classes in the morning, and I had already finished my homework for all my classes on Tuesday except for one classes worth of reading. I figured one day would be enough to read it all. Boy, was I wrong. I read for twelve straight hours, and only read half of it (whoops). A little interruption that night was Family Home Evening... where my fhemates proceeded to nominate me as FHE Mom. One of my roommates were also nominated, so we rock-paper-scissored it, and I lost. So I'm FHE Mom. Whoot?
Dad happens to be the guy I went out with the following day. His name is Jon, and his family is from Peru and he went on his mission to Puerto Rico. He took me to the Museum of Art to look at some Minerva Teichart. I liked the paintings, and it was hard to talk much to him while we were in the MOA. However, once he took me to the Creamery and got us a burger and ice cream, I discovered that he really likes to talk. Which is a little eerie because his yell would be like my hoarse whisper. He's extremely quiet. But apparently likes to talk... about everything. So mostly I sat there and ate, listened, and gave an occasional input when I could hear him. It was nice, but afterwards my ears hurt from the constant strain to listen to a barely audible whisper in a crowded Creamery.
Wednesday... I squandered. I really don't remember that day at all. Oh wait! It all comes clear! I had an evil calculus assignment. One of my friends in calculus did a little investigating and figured out that people in 400 level math course were learning the same thing: proof by induction. See, the honors sections of Calculus 1 get extra assignments... like that. It did it, but it took a while... and a lot of backwards thinking. I also had an interview with the bishop (oh no! a calling! save me save me! :D) where he did not give me a calling but asked all about me. He hinted that I would likely only be made FHE Mom, and nothing else. Viva 18 credits and a parttime job? Sweet. Yes, that was my Wednesday.
Thursday! Oh man, I started work at 4am! The job itself is an extremely fun and exciting custodial job (no overstatement intended here) and I really don't mind the early hour. Especially since I go to bed a lot sooner than the average college student. Classes on the other hand... they might have been a little more exciting if you get my meaning. At night time, I went with my friend Sarah to an ROTC Social down in the canyon. That was exciting if I may say so. How can war games and food not be exciting. It's kind of fun to dodge marshmallow bullets while crawling army style on the ground looking for ammo for your Nerf gun. As soon as I found ammo, one of the enemy charged over to my side, and before I could shoot, I was tragically light-sabered to death. I did manage to kill a few of the enemy before I was taken out though. The only awkward thing about that social was that Sarah, some other girls she brought with her, and I were the only single girls at all. All the females there were either wives, girlfriends, or in the ROTC themselves. I got asked several times whose girlfriend I was. Which was a little freaky. What was freakier was when some random (not really, but I thought so at the time) guy started talking to me... he knew my name already, and started naming off a few of my classes by name and asking how I liked them. But then I realized that it was Isaac (I had to ask him what his name was)... apparently he is both in my ward, and in two of my classes. Wow, I'm very observant, aren't I? After another sickening ride home, I went to bed feeling quite carsick. Next time I go I shall require Dramamine.
Yesterday I think I liked the best. I went to work again at 4am, and did lots of paperwork and took trash out of every office (oo, fun?). Then we all ate breakfast together: breakfast burritos, bagels, cereal, juice... I loved it. Best thing was, we were all still getting paid for eating breakfast. :D Then I headed off to all my classes, where I was still extremely tired from my late night adventure with the ROTC. After class I went and had an interview with one my peer mentors who just wanted to get to know me a little better... and then I headed home for lunch. I munched on honeydew and something else, and then I set off on an adventure...to the physics lab! I have to admit I was absolutely thrilled to be able to calculate the acceleration due to gravity with a percentage error of 0.1%. I'd never done anything quite so spectacular before... but then again, having high tech university equipment versus old ghetto ancient Chandler High School equipment might have made a big difference. Yes, I realize I am a nerd and that only nerds would be thrilled about something like that. Furthermore, I felt this urge to email my old physics teacher, Mr. Knust, and relate to him the excitement I felt at an experiment actually going right... for once :D.
Well, after that I came home, thoroughly energized despite my lack of adequate sleep, and decided to do math homework... while listening to the Batman Begins soundtrack at full blast to drown out loud music next door. Very ominous, that was. Made math so much more exciting. And then... I turned on my Pirates soundtrack... to counter our neighbor's booming music and also to celebrate that I was going to be Pirates 3 at the dollar theatre that night! Yes, it was a date. I did homework until he called me... and informed me that he was standing outside. I wonder if he knocked... if he had I probably wouldn't have heard it due to Batman and Pirates booming bass throughout the hall.
So I went and saw Pirates with Ryan, which I absolutely loved. Then we went to Creamery (which seems to be a recurring date motif) and got ice cream. We walked back to the lobby of my hall, where we ate our ice cream... and talked. For a long time. About the most random things... like the game (which you all just lost by the way) and high school... and classes... and professors... and cookies and brownies. Apparently when he and his roommate made brownies for the first time and left them for the girls in our apartment, his roommates were disapproving. But after our positive response... they decided it was a genius idea. They proceeded to make a batch of 110 cookies and then drop them all off in front of girls' doors, making sure to leave a note about who they were from. I thought that was quite silly. Of course, they got tons of cookies in return.
By the time I casually asked what time it was, and to our surprise discovered we had been on the date for over six hours and that it was almost midnight (ahhh!). I went inside where my roommates were all thrilled to see me ("We thought you had been kidnapped!!! But then you were on a date... but you were gone for sooo long!"). We looked out the window, and saw people sitting on the grass outside our hall... We decided to creep them out. We took Hillary's cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom and stuck him in front of the window, so he was staring at them. They soon left.
I eventually wandered off to bed, and now here I am this morning writing. Exciting?
Last Monday was long and horrid. I only had classes in the morning, and I had already finished my homework for all my classes on Tuesday except for one classes worth of reading. I figured one day would be enough to read it all. Boy, was I wrong. I read for twelve straight hours, and only read half of it (whoops). A little interruption that night was Family Home Evening... where my fhemates proceeded to nominate me as FHE Mom. One of my roommates were also nominated, so we rock-paper-scissored it, and I lost. So I'm FHE Mom. Whoot?
Dad happens to be the guy I went out with the following day. His name is Jon, and his family is from Peru and he went on his mission to Puerto Rico. He took me to the Museum of Art to look at some Minerva Teichart. I liked the paintings, and it was hard to talk much to him while we were in the MOA. However, once he took me to the Creamery and got us a burger and ice cream, I discovered that he really likes to talk. Which is a little eerie because his yell would be like my hoarse whisper. He's extremely quiet. But apparently likes to talk... about everything. So mostly I sat there and ate, listened, and gave an occasional input when I could hear him. It was nice, but afterwards my ears hurt from the constant strain to listen to a barely audible whisper in a crowded Creamery.
Wednesday... I squandered. I really don't remember that day at all. Oh wait! It all comes clear! I had an evil calculus assignment. One of my friends in calculus did a little investigating and figured out that people in 400 level math course were learning the same thing: proof by induction. See, the honors sections of Calculus 1 get extra assignments... like that. It did it, but it took a while... and a lot of backwards thinking. I also had an interview with the bishop (oh no! a calling! save me save me! :D) where he did not give me a calling but asked all about me. He hinted that I would likely only be made FHE Mom, and nothing else. Viva 18 credits and a parttime job? Sweet. Yes, that was my Wednesday.
Thursday! Oh man, I started work at 4am! The job itself is an extremely fun and exciting custodial job (no overstatement intended here) and I really don't mind the early hour. Especially since I go to bed a lot sooner than the average college student. Classes on the other hand... they might have been a little more exciting if you get my meaning. At night time, I went with my friend Sarah to an ROTC Social down in the canyon. That was exciting if I may say so. How can war games and food not be exciting. It's kind of fun to dodge marshmallow bullets while crawling army style on the ground looking for ammo for your Nerf gun. As soon as I found ammo, one of the enemy charged over to my side, and before I could shoot, I was tragically light-sabered to death. I did manage to kill a few of the enemy before I was taken out though. The only awkward thing about that social was that Sarah, some other girls she brought with her, and I were the only single girls at all. All the females there were either wives, girlfriends, or in the ROTC themselves. I got asked several times whose girlfriend I was. Which was a little freaky. What was freakier was when some random (not really, but I thought so at the time) guy started talking to me... he knew my name already, and started naming off a few of my classes by name and asking how I liked them. But then I realized that it was Isaac (I had to ask him what his name was)... apparently he is both in my ward, and in two of my classes. Wow, I'm very observant, aren't I? After another sickening ride home, I went to bed feeling quite carsick. Next time I go I shall require Dramamine.
Yesterday I think I liked the best. I went to work again at 4am, and did lots of paperwork and took trash out of every office (oo, fun?). Then we all ate breakfast together: breakfast burritos, bagels, cereal, juice... I loved it. Best thing was, we were all still getting paid for eating breakfast. :D Then I headed off to all my classes, where I was still extremely tired from my late night adventure with the ROTC. After class I went and had an interview with one my peer mentors who just wanted to get to know me a little better... and then I headed home for lunch. I munched on honeydew and something else, and then I set off on an adventure...to the physics lab! I have to admit I was absolutely thrilled to be able to calculate the acceleration due to gravity with a percentage error of 0.1%. I'd never done anything quite so spectacular before... but then again, having high tech university equipment versus old ghetto ancient Chandler High School equipment might have made a big difference. Yes, I realize I am a nerd and that only nerds would be thrilled about something like that. Furthermore, I felt this urge to email my old physics teacher, Mr. Knust, and relate to him the excitement I felt at an experiment actually going right... for once :D.
Well, after that I came home, thoroughly energized despite my lack of adequate sleep, and decided to do math homework... while listening to the Batman Begins soundtrack at full blast to drown out loud music next door. Very ominous, that was. Made math so much more exciting. And then... I turned on my Pirates soundtrack... to counter our neighbor's booming music and also to celebrate that I was going to be Pirates 3 at the dollar theatre that night! Yes, it was a date. I did homework until he called me... and informed me that he was standing outside. I wonder if he knocked... if he had I probably wouldn't have heard it due to Batman and Pirates booming bass throughout the hall.
So I went and saw Pirates with Ryan, which I absolutely loved. Then we went to Creamery (which seems to be a recurring date motif) and got ice cream. We walked back to the lobby of my hall, where we ate our ice cream... and talked. For a long time. About the most random things... like the game (which you all just lost by the way) and high school... and classes... and professors... and cookies and brownies. Apparently when he and his roommate made brownies for the first time and left them for the girls in our apartment, his roommates were disapproving. But after our positive response... they decided it was a genius idea. They proceeded to make a batch of 110 cookies and then drop them all off in front of girls' doors, making sure to leave a note about who they were from. I thought that was quite silly. Of course, they got tons of cookies in return.
By the time I casually asked what time it was, and to our surprise discovered we had been on the date for over six hours and that it was almost midnight (ahhh!). I went inside where my roommates were all thrilled to see me ("We thought you had been kidnapped!!! But then you were on a date... but you were gone for sooo long!"). We looked out the window, and saw people sitting on the grass outside our hall... We decided to creep them out. We took Hillary's cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom and stuck him in front of the window, so he was staring at them. They soon left.
I eventually wandered off to bed, and now here I am this morning writing. Exciting?
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